President Barack Obama today tapped consumer advocate and career presidential candidate Ralph Nader to replace fired General Motors CEO Rick Wagoner, who 'retires' with a $20 million package.
Mr. Nader immediately announced he would join the United Autoworkers Union (UAW).
“The federal government has no intention of running a car company,” Mr. Obama said. “That’s why I’m bringing in Ralph Nader, who had a major influence on GM during the final years of its heyday.”
Other than replacing the CEO and much of the board, and personally approving the firm’s financial recovery plan, the president said he and his government would have “no operational role in GM”....
“General Motors is still a private company, not a government agency,” President Obama said, “I’m not going to be the one putting the nine-volt batteries in the new line of SUVs. You won’t see me attaching the carbon-filter-bag wagons to the pickup truck hitches. And I certainly won’t be hooking up the emissions cap-and-trade meters that will come standard on all new GM vehicles.”
A UAW spokesman said having Mr. Nader as a union member would “reduce the traditional tension between labor and management that has brought the industry to the brink of ruin.”
“We now share a common destiny with the CEO,” the unnamed UAW source said. “When our wages go up, so do Mr. Nader’s. For the first time, we’ll all be on the same team. Of course the GM customer will enjoy the great feeling that he’s driving prosperity for thousands of American families.”
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105 comments:
Nader should bring back the Corvair. lol
Nader will introduce a new car:
The Flintstone.
No engine...and it moves by you picking up the chassis and running in place for a few seconds. Made of all natural materials.
Sometimes doc's fake news is too potentially close to the real thing for comfort.
It seems the gap between satire and reality is closing quickly...
The best satire has a lot of truth in it. Though this was satire, reality is not far off. Nader’s wet dream.
"Other than replacing the CEO and much of the board, and personally approving the firm’s financial recovery plan, the president said he and his government would have 'no operational role in GM'."
LOL! Dr. B. is a genius.
Obama is doing what should have been done a long time ago. Holding corporate executives accountable for their actions. Someone has to do it! They are not going to do it on their own.
According to Business Week, "the average corporate executive earns 400 times what the average worker earns. Most economists recommend that the top salaries be no more that 20-25%". No wonder these companies are going bankrupt!!!!!!
Let's just say that the average worker earns $50,000. That means (according to most economists) that the average corpoerate executive should earn 1,000,000. Instead he is earning $20,000,000 (400 times). You multiply that by a few hundred corporations and you see why we have a real problem. No wonder everyone is going bankrupt!
Do you know doc wasn't kidding about the part where Rick Wagoner has a 23 million dollar compensation package? Outrageous! I hope he doesn't get it!
http://www.businessweek.com
AMEN.
The GM board should go next.
CEO's are quick to take credit for company's successes and very, very slow to accept any blame for failures.
When companies falter, cost savings start at the bottom, as far away from those who made the bad decisions as possible... 'Let's lay off line workers, custodians, maintenance people, secretarial staff, etc. but please don't dare to look at upper level administration'... odd, how every thing positive is "trickle down" from the top and "bad news" (like pink slips) starts at the bottom.
The Obama administration is to be congratulated for letting the auto industry know that "more of the same" (but with taxpayers' money) isn't going to happen.
Wagoner was an incompetent wuss.
Another indication of how far the private enterprise system in this country has fallen when politicians have to show companies how to deal with top management people who can't get it done. GM's entire board of directors should be next.
this guy has been at GM for more than 30 years and has been the boss for 8 years, raking in over a 100 million personally, and the best he could do was build more and more SUV's and get so drunk on it he goes and buys the hog of hogs, the Humvee.
He has watched Toyota, Honda, Nissan and more recently Hyundai, thrive using new approaches to all aspects of the business, while he stayed with the old paradigm and was in denial.
Wagoner deserved to be fired, and if he has any patriotism or humility whatsoever, he should voluntarily forgo the bonus and offer his time gratis, out of his love for the company that made him rich and for his country to keep this icon and once great company alive.
Talk about a SWEET deal! Get paid huge bucks to be responsible for running a big company. Fail miserably and STILL walk away with a 20 million dollar retirement? Geeze, I could have done the same thing for a LOT less!
As for Wall Streeters encouraged/forced to resign, see The Daily Kos for a list:
http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2009/3/30/714574/-Flashback:-AIG,-Fannie-Freddie-CEOs-resign-as-conditions-of-bailout
I just read something on www.ProudlyMadeInAmerca.com which I agree with;
Rick Wagoner should have lost his job years ago. Wagoner got more money in one year then I will see in a life time for driving GM into the ground. Years before the recession, GM moved to SUVs as their major money maker even though many analysts criticized the move.
The recession did not kill GM... GM management did.
Rick....buddy....you've been voted off the island!
I am curious about why the White House would make such a bold demand of a car company the federal government is lending to, but not a similar demand of the banks the federal government partially owns?
Jacob -
Government treats auto companies differently than the banks. It deals with banks through the Federal Reserve and the FDIC, which offer wonderfully flexible mechanisms like discount windows, credit windows, immediate transfer of assets to and from the Fed's books, negotiated takeovers, coordinated unwinding, and so forth.
There is no comparable mechanism available for the auto industry. None.
The president has two choices: (1) take the companies over, or (2) force them to face reorganization voluntarily or through the courts using existing bankruptcy law.
Option 1 effectively is a nationalization and would put the Executive Branch in control of a bankruptcy proceeding.
There is no valid precedent for this. Truman's authority to take over the steel industry in 1952 was vested in war powers that were nullified by Youngstown Sheet & Tube v. Sawyer. Reagan used Taft-Hartley to nationalize PATCO, but Taft does not apply here.
To put it another way, if Obama were to nationalize the auto industry, the very people who today are yelling for intervention tomorrow would be trying to impeach him for exceeding the constitutional powers of his office.
Obama was very careful to say that "structured bankruptcy" under "existing bankruptcy code" is an option. He meant that the Judiciary, not the Executive, would handle bankruptcy if it comes. The extra time and money the car companies are getting probably exceeds Obama's legal authority, but nobody with standing will challenge him in court on this point.
IT IS AN ABSOLUTE LIE TO SAY THE BANKS GOT MONEY WITH "NO STRINGS ATTACHED."
Do I have your attention now? I hope so. Because the idea that the banks got "free money" is absolutely untrue. There are MANY "strings" attached to that investment, not the least of which is an annual dividend payment of 5%. Those many millions in interest payments are flowing into the U.S. Treasury this year. TARP actually MAKES MONEY for the U.S. Treasury.
By contrast, GM and Chrysler are virtually hopelessly destroyed from decades of bad management and overly-greedy unions. They are not being unfairly targeted in any way, shape, or form. The White House is trying to ensure that if they invest additional dollars that they won't simply be throwing good money after bad.
I bought my first Japanese car in 1990, after watching my father go through years and years of poorly-made American cars, including two he bought for me. There isn't anything that any of the Big 3 could do to make me want to buy one of their cars. And I know I am far from alone. The Big 3 have no one to blame but themselves for that situation. They did nothing to remain competitive.
The banks will survive and continue to fund our economy. The Big 3 look like nothing more than a Big Drain.
I hope GM gets someone better, even Nader haha, but these days it seems as if CEOs are mostly a bunch of incompetents who have risen to the top like floating garbage.
Wagoner has been slow to react to changing auto market, lower share, and just about everything happening over the last 3-5 years. Too many GM execs still believe they have 50% of the U.S. market. Many more need to go. For all its faults, Ford went out and raised money before it became a crisis. Best resolution would be for GM to become part of Ford and Chrysler to be dissolved, with probably to only remaining brand being Jeep.
I've been saying for some time that probably the best overall solution would be the formation of a North American motors (Ford would undoubtedly reject such an idea, but it could be the only solution).
He certainly didn't seem to be acting with a sense of urgency on restructuring the company. He got very little from the unions and no agreement with creditors, and his public pronouncements that bankruptcy wouldn't work was both inept salesmanship and cavalier regarding the government's position that all options were indeed on the table.
Now, what about the Chrysler execs who were taking bonuses earlier this year?
The CEO of EVERY bailed out automobile company AND Wall Street bank should voluntarily resign.
Wagoner is the one Auto CEO who has created the mess in his company. The other 2 came in after the mess was created and they are working on fixing it. I would hope that one of the conditions of getting more federal money was that Wagoner resign.
I'll bet that's EXACTLY the reason he's gone.
....Mr.Wagoner has been at the helm of GM for the past 8 years--------the Bush robber baron years....
Yeah. . . and Wagoner really took advantage and made gobs of money.
Bring back the Firebird, Chevelle, Camaro, and Delta 88 nameplates.
I have naughty memories from the 80s about a certain red camaro!
Good! He should step down or be fired. First he kept building Hummers, and then he can't build a car anyone wants to drive. Then he is overpaying the unions to do shoddy work. All the CEO's should be fired. All union contracts should be null and void. Then, start over with fresh workers and new ideas.
Cutting costs is a dream. This is code for "screw the union employees" and cut their salaries, shredding their contracts unilaterally.
The solution to the car makers' problems is to SELL MORE CARS!!!! Any company that loses half of its revenue is going to face problems, and these guys have been avoiding making cars that Americans want for 20 years now... so that they can keep big oil in the money and avoid investing in fuel-efficient/alternative-energy vehicles which might cost some of their profit and precious shareholder dividends (which they have zero of now!).
SELL MORE CARS!! That's the ticket. Design them, and we shall come.
This company has ignored the writing on the wall for the better part of 20 years. In the face of obvious impending change, they continued to produce gas guzzlers, refusing to invest in alternative fueled vehicles, and now they are reaping what they have sewn. Good riddance, I say. Let the next innovator step forward, and lets all get behind a good idea, rather than perpetuate bad ideas for the sake of preserving the status quo. I may see years of terrible discord and economic strife, but hopefully my children won't.
Let's hope this is the beginning of a trend... I'd like to see more of the overpaid and underwhelming top executives of failed corporations fall on their swords.
why do you think Toyota/Honda/etc have better electric and hybrid cars on the market? Anyone who knows the energy markets and peak oil saw $4 gas coming a long time back. These companies didn't produce these cars overnight, they had spent tons on R&D years ago while GM was spending their R&D funds on bigger trucks and SUVs, without focusing on fuel economy at all
GM's launching a new sports model runabout. They plan on calling it the Ponzi.
LOL. I thought that's what they called the Warranty.
Maybe if he would not have produced more than the demand, he would have saved billions. Maybe if he would have gone green instead of preventing others from starting their own green car, and maybe if he would have been an innovator instead of living the culture of greed, he would have gone in history one of those who helped guide america towards the future. Keep leasing all these cars and exchanging a 2 year old one for a new one. How do you expect to have revenue if you and your top buddies take all the profits home and cheat the shareholders?
When Obama moves, he MOVES. Bravo!
This is a crystal clear message that CHANGE is coming to the auto industry. Hopefully, GM or whatever comes after it, will be reborn as the world's #1 electric car company.
GoBama!
As he flew off into the sunset on his private jet counting the zero's in his severance package, thinking "now I can buy a Benz!"
The auto manufacturers
negotiated with Big Oil NOT to produce cars with higher mpg. He needs to go.
What?! A CEO being held accountable? Whew hooo! How much is it going to cost the company and shareholders to dump him? Oh, only $23 million? Now if GM would finally start cleaning house on the rest of its management. It's about time it realizes it cannot survive by continuing to build crap and sell Hummers to everyone. GM has been on the wrong side of every issue for over the past century. It's time to go the way of the dinosaurs.
GM needs to restructure and renegotiate some union contracts and it will be easier to do if Obama can point to some rolling heads like Wagoner's in the bowling alley.
Another incompetent crawls from the wreckage, dragging a sack full of cash...
LOL
The President had no choice, this guy Wagoner is incompetent. I wonder who he'll replace him with?
Wagoner will be replaced as CEO by Chief Operating Officer Frederick "Fritz" Henderson.
Not Ralph Nader? Doc, you psyched me out! Lol.
Oh, like Nader would actually run GM and join the UAW - they're deadly enemies, Nader won a lawsuit against them years ago. I got the joke, doc.
Bank of America Corp CEO Kenneth Lewis may be the next corporate boss to feel the heat
The second-largest U.S. bank has received $45 billion from the government, making it one of the biggest recipients of government bailout money in the banking system.
Big shareholders have been calling for Lewis to step down since Bank of America announced in January it took a $20 billion government bailout to secure the acquisition of troubled Merrill Lynch & Co, which lost almost $16 billion in the last quarter of 2008.
We need to dump this guy. A friend told me that BOA slapped like 20% APR on his credit card without any notice whatsoever !!!
Its like they are trying to recoup the money lost in the housing market from credit card holders.
Lewis should have been fired even before Wagoner. I hope that before this is all over there will be evidence developed to prosecute these people who have so dangerously run these companies.
Good riddance.
These CEOs have been giving leadership a bad name, being self serving and arrogant bullies that looked after their own interests and that of special interest groups.
Let us hope that a new breed of ethical and customer oriented CEOs emerge to replace these duds.
I hope they turned his golden parachute into a giant anvil by forcing him to take his severance in GM stock, not cash.
LOL, great idea! Take a look at what GM's stock price was when Rick Wagoner took over and what it is today. Good job Rick.
From the Wall Street Journal NOVEMBER 18, 2008-
"Although GM has been losing money since 2005, CEO Rick Wagoner got a salary increase this year.
The Securities and Exchange Commission filings reported earlier this year that gave Mr. Wagoner, the company's chairman and chief executive, a 33% raise for 2008 and equity compensation of at least $1.68 million for his performance in 2007, a year for which the auto maker reported a loss of $38.7 billion. The salary increase puts Mr. Wagoner's salary for this year at $2.2 million, compared with $1.65 million in 2007.
In addition to his base pay, Mr. Wagoner was been awarded 75,000 restricted stock units valued at $1.68 million, based on GM's closing stock price in March. He was also given stock options representing 500,000 shares"
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB122702915620437775.html?mod=googlenews_wsj
Good job Barack! he needed to go.
In addition the entire GM board needs to be replaced as they picked the current chairman (Rick Wagoner) and past chairman (John F. Smith, Jr.) and are equally responsible if not more so, for GM's current problems.
Right!
The fate of GM was determined when they started promoting CEOs from the ranks of the financial guys (the bean counters) rather than the people who had a true passion for CARS, not numbers.
Lee Iacocca writes as much in his book "Where have all the leaders gone?"
Bean counters should be left to count their beans.
Iacocca is right.
If you don't have passion for the thing your company does, you don't belong at the helm.
Well said....that's why years back, Lutz was such a great asset for GM, he saw business potential in creating energy efficient cars, but he also LOVES cars so he knew what designs were going to sell.
Wagoner had to go because he didn't do enough to screw the labor unions.
Wall Street and the Republicans whose states gave foreign car makers massive tax breaks and other subsidies to build plants in their states hate him for that.
After the first cash infusion they were told they would have to comply in approx. 3 months with certain requests. President Obama sent a team in about a week ago to analyze what was going on and obviously GM had not fulfilled its obligation.
Yep. Obama sent the team--looked at the books, talked with management. Assessed.
Thank you for getting rid of Wagoner as a condition of bailout money.
He's been a disaster.
You Go President Obama! Can you imagine being asked to quit your job and go home-- by the president. I hope they make him fly coach.
He was very cavalier about the government's admonishment to restructure. Minimal results from UAW. No agreement with creditors. His public pronouncements that bankruptcy wouldn't work was inept marketing and sort of a "bring it on" response to the government. May-be after churning out the gobbledy-gook over 25 years, GM really believed it was making major progress. They just don't get it.
What will be the disposition of the Chrysler execs who were taking bonuses this month?
Notice the government did ask AIG top dog to step aside.
Yes they did. Liddy succeeded Robert B. Willumstad in September, 2008. He was chosen by Hank Paulson, Liddy served on the Board of Goldman Sachs until he became AIG CEO.
And is working for $1.00 a year.
I don't think total blame can be assigned just to the Auto Industry. They have for years been in bed with the major oil companies and have benefited from the lobbying the oil industry has done on their behalf. The previous republican Congress also shares in the blame as they have enabled both of these industries by not imposing substantial legislation that would improve mileage standards.
As the entire financial industry and the last major manufacturers collapse, the oil companies have produced record profits.
At the same time the Republicans want to increase the areas they can lease and give them more tax breaks. They already have 6 million acres of leases that they are not drilling and have not built any new refineries in over 30 years.
Expect heavy lobbying from the oil companies as the administration moves and demands higher standards from car companies as well as lobbying against battery technology and alternative fuel sources. I predict it is going to get pretty ugly.
This is perfect: If GM had the slightest vision they wouldn't have fought tooth and nail to keep producing a sub par and irrelevant product for the last 15 years.
They insisted on flooding the market with inefficient SUV's, fought fuel standards, and disappeared the electric car. The Japanese produce a more fuel efficient and far superior product as far as reliability and longevity. I wouldn't buy a GM product if I was the CEO myself.
Doc rightly satirizes unions, but unions alone are not the problem. After all, most european auto plants are also unionized, and they have been building much better cars for the last few decades now. In fact, costs are even higher in Europe than in Detroit.
No, much of the blame lies with management, for designing and building subpar cars and always, always, playing catch up with the rest of the industry.
I say let them fail. The good bits of the various car companies (the Corvette, for example) can live on. But vast parts of all three companies simply cannot exist without government subsidies, which means they should not exist.
But we cannot forget to help those displaced by such a cataclysmic bankruptcy. Loans for new businesses, education and adult training, should be made available to the many, many people who will be caught up in all this.
You do know that Toyota produces some of the most INEFFICIENT products in the industry right? Tundra, FJ Cruiser, 4runner, Sequoia, not to mention the lexus suv's.
Can't say that about the Prius. California is lousy with them and people are happy with them
To put it bluntly, and in terms any grade schooler can understand: if you have a company, no matter how large or small, and you make a product that is not bought by consumers, is poorly ran, just isn't working and making a PROFIT, you have to close the doors and start over.
No bailout, no 3rd and 4th chances.
Why is this basic business concept so hard for so many people to understand?
No business is TOO BIG TO FAIL. I have never heard such DRIVEL in my life.
The engineers at GM have had the technology since the 1970's to make cars that run on alternative fuels, whether that be electricity, hybrids, etc. It is not the American taxpayers' fault that these cars were not brought into production.
We are just propping up and postponing the inevitable by throwing billions and billions of dollars at companies that should have gone bankrupt years ago.
GM already built an electric car in the mid 90's that ran great. They took it away due to pressure from BIG OIL. Now they are scrambling to introduce the Chevy Volt. I think it is too little too late. Sorry let em FAIL
I bought a new car in 1994. It was a Honda Accord. I bought it because people who owned and drove Hondas testified to their reliability. I was divorced, living on the salary of a church secretary, with a 17 year old daughter and could not afford car repairs. I'm still driving that car today. If GM or Ford or any American car company had built cars that lasted that long, I would have purchased an American automobile. And I think they could have, if they had wanted to but they weren't interested. When they start building cars that last, without tons of problems, their companies will prosper. Our auto workers are the best. Management is just too greedy.
I wonder if Wagoner'll end up in the streets eating out of garbage cans?
Only if they're jewel encrusted golden ones.
And catered.
ROTFL
The bondholders who hold the debt that GM was required to renegotiate sent a letter to the White House last week saying that GM had not been able to come to a negotiated solution, so they sent their own proposal to the White House.
Rick Wagoner's job for the past four months has been to come to an equitable arrangement with the bondholders, and he failed completely. Their frustration was relayed in the letter to the White House.
Mr. Wagoner failed at his job, and was unable to complete the tasks needed for the continuation of his firm.
He was asked to resign.
He complied.
Interesting tid bit.
Thanks for the deeper insight...seems Mr. Wagoner hasn't been doing his job for the last 8 years, let alone the last 4 months. One would think the last 4 months would have been a wake up call for Mr. Wagoner, but alas, it seems the corporate climate just keeps retaining and rewarding the top echelon that keeps making the history of bad business decisions.
Tesla motors...has a shockingly bright future...
Their current car costs $101,000 dollars. And that's a 2 seater ultra compact sports car. Their most affordable, more user friendly car is 50,000+ dollars, and is not even projected to be available until 2012.
You said "current".
Get out to MIT and hire some kids with IDEAS.
Resurrect,,,, a 2+2 seat Chevy,,, "Vet" Roadster, Rag in the trunk and Pop-Top,,, The Mill,,, a FI, 16 Valve,, OHC,,, small-block,,, balanced,,, Bullet-Proof "STROKER",, composite body, , 5 speed syncro, UNDER 3,000 pounds,, under $18,000.
A Diesel Plug-In.. Highbred,,,, Platform Based,,, Composite Body,,, for Mini- Pick-Up, Family 4-Door Sedan,, Mini Van,, 2-Door Coup,,, and sedan delivery. 4 wheel motors,, electric drive.
Stick the batteries in the Pan, Firewall and in Quarter Panels,, weight distributed,, as modules.
Electricity does not give a darn where the batteries are located or how many locations there are. Gravity does though. Place the batteries where their weight is an advantage for stability and traction.
Get some qualified engineers on the board that LOVE THE BRAND!
Make 3,000,000 Miles the goal.
Style, Durability and Efficiency!
GM,,, used to mean "Great Motors",,,,
Bring that BACK!
LOVE THE BRAND,,, Rebuild, Redesign, Rethink,, Reinvent, Renovate, Renew! And always,, always,, LOVE THE BRAND.
Rick Wagoner was profiled by "60 Minutes" last fall prior to his testimony before Congress.
In the interview, he bragged about all his private planes and his helicopter. At the time, I was appalled that he was so out of touch with the average autoworkers who are struggling to keep their jobs.
The average home price is Michigan is considerably below the national average. I thought that he had to go then.
The culture that CEO's are entitled to large salaries and bonuses when the employees are having to cut buck is ludicrous. It is time to reevaluate our core values in America.
Greed is NOT Good.
well said
I used to work for Chrysler, and back in 2005 at a meeting, they were showing all the new Hemi muscle cars, trucks, and SUV's.
I raised my hand and asked if they had considered introducing a couple of fuel efficient vehicles to balance the line and compete with hybrids like the Prius.
My question was met with laughter and the big wigs scoffed at the idea.
They said Toyota was losing money on the Prius and would never make a penny on it.
I quess they never took the time to learn that Japanese industries have always sold their products at a loss when they first introduce them into the market in order to eventually gain market dominance.
Ford is the only company that is even close to having the right vision to compete with the Japanese.
We do need new leadership and new vision in order to revitalize the American car industry. The industry needs to be completely overhauled to survive. The domestic car industry will probably be based out of Silicon Valley.
Great comment.
Wagoner's departure is long overdue. Under his leadership, GM suffered from a shortage of vision and an abundance of arrogance. A final point -- corporate culture must change. Making the CEO the Chairman of the Board is a huge mistake. It's the equivalent of putting the fox in charge of the hen house.
FACT: Wagoner drew $14.5 million in 2007, and he has taken in stock and cash over $100 million in the past 8 years. He "retires" with an additional $23 million.
Wagoner was incompetent, too old, and part of the problem. He presided over the worst of GM's failures. He almost destroyed GM with his lack of vision and his refusal to change the GM culture of behemoth, gas guzzling, unreliable and poorly constructed road hogs.
In order for GM to survive, he had to go. Good for Obama.
Shows that the Obama administration believes that GM can make it through, but not without new leadership that will make the required changes in order for GM to make American cars that are competitive.
Chrysler is another story. See ya Chrysler.
Many people don't care if we have an American auto industry. I feel to allow one of our largest manufactured products to be produced solely by foreign entities (even if the plants are located here) is a threat to our national security.
If we ever need these plants to retool in order to produce logistical weaponry (tanks, HumVee-like vehicles, etc.), especially if this was needed for a foreign war, there might be pushback from the foreign owners. That would necessitate a real international incident if we had to confiscate the plants, etc. Only American-owned manufacturers would have no conflict of interest in supporting an American war.
Foreign companies manufacturing products in the US have no incentive to assist us in waging war
Good point.
True, especially if it would impact their bottom line.
I don't think ANY company should have received a bailout.
However,even Citibank, which is a "zombie" bank is still profitable.
GM and Chrysler have not been profitable for years.
Bank of America has offered to pay back this year every penny it borrowed with interest.
Neither GM or Chrysler could pay back any of the money they have borrowed, even if they wanted to do so.
The fact is most banks don't need the bailout in the sense that they don't need the money to pay their day-to-day operating costs. They are using the money to bolster their balance sheets and buy other banks. I would rather the money be returned, but at least there's hope it will be.
The only real disaster is AIG, which is really just being kept afloat while it sells off its units, many of which individually are still quite valuable--the same cannot be said for most of the components of either GM or Chrysler.
Ford, the other American auto company, has had to deal with the same market conditions and related issues as both GM and Chrysler, and yet it has refused to take one penny of taxpayer money, and is still going strong.
In the end, I'm fine with helping out GM and Chrysler. However, it needs to be help that leads to something productive for both the companies and the workers, not just an unlimited lifeline.
The Top Brass at the Big 3 (Or "The Oily Trinity") have said that they will reduce their salaries to $1 dollar a year to show that they really mean business when it comes to a bailout.
They have also made some new promises:
* We will build a car that runs on Hydrogen. Project Codename: Zeppelin
* We will make cars that run on French Fry Grease Bio-Diesel as long as the salesman can be rude to you when you buy the car and then spit in your drink in the cup holder.
* To placate the GOP we will make all backseats even more uncomfortable to have teenage sex in.
* Airbags will also shoot out confetti to make your near-death experience more festive.
* All cars will refuse to start unless your recite the Pledge of Allegiance twelve times (a hassle that is exempt to all Congressmen who vote yes on the bailout)
* All car purchases get free audio-books for your stereo from the Executive's personal library. Enjoy Donald Trump's 'YOU'RE FIRED!' (Odds are you probably are) Enjoy the Turner Diaries. (It's funny cause it's true) Then listen to a special audio version of 'Roger & Me' sped up so fast that that fat little turd sounds like a chipmunk.
* We will stop charging $1600 for built-in GPS systems, which could be bought for $100 at Wal-Mart. Instead we will charge $1900 so that our profitability will increase to help repay the taxpayer. Or you can choose the $800 model, which is a hobo in your passenger seat with a map.
We will also make financial sacrifices:
* We will reduce salaries to $1 an hour to stay competitive with the salary plan at Everything's a Dollar. (Soon to be renamed "Gifts For Those I Don't Care For").
* The executive lavatory will eliminate expensive toilet paper and start paying a nice Frenchman named Bidet to wash our Asses. That's another job in the economy's tank.
* We will stop using company credit cards to buy diamonds for our mistresses. Those dumb blonds won't notice cubic zirconium. By the time they do, it's time for the next woman who wants to be with a man who makes one dollar a year...oh wait...damn...scrap the whole thing.
Love it, doc. many kudos!
ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!
Doc - please pardon all our serious comments...many of us are humor and satire-impaired, and do not have your unique gift; but we truly appreciate everything you write.
That last comment simply floored me - I actually Rolled On The Floor Laughing My Ass Off!!!!!!! (has anybody seen it?)
Many well deserved Kudos!
Nice of you to come down to the comments forum and socialize with little people, doc. Greatly appreciated! We hang on your every word. :)
Good blog, doc -- very cathartic!
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