PALIN SAYS REFUDIATE APPEARS IN THE FICTIONARY

WASILLA -- Former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin today defended her use of the word "refudiate," telling her critics, "Look it up in the fictionary."

While claiming that "refudiate" is a real word, she reserved her right to make up new words in the future.

"Everyone makes up words - Shakespeare, George W. Bush, Levi Johnston," she said. "The only person I know who doesn't do it is my husband Todd, who doesn't speak."

Gov. Palin also lashed out at those who criticized her use of the word "refudiate," calling them "incohecent."

In a related story, Gov. Palin would defeat President Barack Obama if she ran in 2012, according to a poll published in Mayan Prophecy Weekly.




Palin's used 'refudiate' before:




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REPUBLICANS SAY THE DARNDEST THINGS

Clocking in at 10 minutes, this is the definitive dumb Republican quotes compilation. Featuring classics such as Joe Barton's "Apology," Andre Bauer's "Poor Children Are Stray Animals," and of course, Glenn Beck's "Obama Is A Racist," no collection is complete without these greatest hits.

WATCH:




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THE 'FACTS' ACCORDING TO GLENN BECK

A scene from the near future:

Augustus Merryweather IV glanced up at the tapping on his office door. Harvey Carbunkle stood there in bow tie and shirt sleeves, smiling eagerly from behind horn-rimmed glasses. Augustus sighed. He hated this part of the job. It was never fun to let people go.

He waved the young man to a seat, spoke without preamble. "Harvey, I'm afraid it's not working out."

The eager face fell like a refrigerator from a moving truck. "You're firing me?"

"I have no choice. Your work, well...it hasn't been up to the standard we expect for an editor at Merryweather Publishing. Frankly, I'm surprised. When I saw that you were a graduate of BU, I couldn't wait to hire you. Boston University turns out some great students."

"I didn't go to Boston University," Harvey said.

"Baylor, then. Still a great school."

"I didn't go to Baylor."

"But your resume says you graduated BU."

A proud smile. "Yes, sir. That's Beck University."

Augustus was confused. "I've never heard of..."

"Beck University!" said Harvey, the smile widening. "You know, Glenn Beck? He has that show on Fox? Also, that novel, that other book, that radio program, that standup act, that line of athletic shoes and that cologne. He founded an online university back in 2010 so people could learn the real truth they don't get in your so-called 'universities.' " He made air quotes.

"So, when you rejected that Martin Luther King biography because it didn't mention how white conservatives started the civil rights movement..."

A sharp nod. "I learned that at Beck U."

"And when you told the author of that book on religion that 'pinko commie' is the preferred term for preachers who talk about social and economic justice...."

"Beck U."

"And when you asked why there was no reference to Nazi death panels euthanizing children in that book on healthcare reform...."

"Yes, sir! Beck U."

Augustus sank back into his chair. "Beck me," he muttered.

"Beg pardon?"

Augustus regarded the man who perched before him. "Harvey," he said after a moment, "you can't believe all that garbage they filled your head with. None of that stuff is true! It's just the rantings of a paranoid nutjob living in an alternate reality. The facts -- "

Harvey shrank back, looking horrified. "No, sir!" he shouted. "No, sir! Professor Beck warned us about people like you. He said you'd try to confuse us with all your 'facts' and your 'logic' and your 'reason.' Well, Harvey Walter Carbunkle is on to your game!"

All at once, Augustus felt tired. He felt old. "Very well," he said. "Believe what you want. But we've still got to let you go. You're not qualified.''

Harvey appeared to contemplate this. He shrugged. "That's OK,'' he said. "Now I'll have time to pursue my graduate work at the U of L.''

Augustus sat up straight. "Louisiana?''

"Limbaugh.''

"Of course,'' said Augustus, dropping back into the chair.

Harvey's expression was pitying. "I wish I could help you see how wrong you are. You think the world is about 'facts' and 'knowledge' and 'information' you can 'prove.' The lamestream media has you fooled and you don't even know it.'' Abruptly he turned away, gnawing a knuckle.

"Well,'' said Augustus, "I suppose we'll just have to agree to -- '' He stopped, alarmed. "My God, man, are you crying?''

Harvey's eyes were glistening. His voice wobbled like a toddler. "I'm sorry,'' he gasped. "It's just...'' His voice tore. Doing a perfect Glenn Beck impersonation, Harvey bit his lip, lifted his palm, took a steadying breath, then tried again. "It's just that I love my country so much and I'm frightened for her future.''

Augustus shook his head. "I know just how you feel,'' he said.

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REPORT: U.S. MAY HAVE BEEN ABUSED DURING FORMATIVE YEARS

WASHINGTON, DC — A team of leading historians and psychiatrists issued a report Monday claiming that the United States was likely the victim of abuse by its founding fathers and motherland when it was a young colony.

"In its adulthood, the U.S. displays all the classic tendencies of a nation that was repeatedly mistreated in its infancy—difficulty forming lasting foreign relationships, viewing everyone as a potential enemy, and employing a pattern of assault and intimidation to assert its power," said Dr. Howard Drexel, the report's lead author. "Because of trust issues stemming from the abuse, America has become withdrawn, has not made an ally in years, and often resents the few nations that are willing to lend support—most countries outgrow this kind of behavior after 230 years."

According to Drexel, nations that act out in selfish, self-destructive ways in statehood were usually granted too much independence at an early age, especially if the motherland had other newly annexed lands to care for.

According to Yale University psychology professor John Bauffman, while some rebellious behavior in a nation's adolescence is common, and sometimes healthy, America's historically stormy relationship with mother country Great Britain points to a deep need for acceptance.

"The U.S. is characteristic of an abused nation in that, even decades after noisily pushing away from Britain, it still maintained close contact with the motherland, took care of it, even giving it financial aid—all the while fearing disapproval even though the parent country is now old, decrepit, and powerless," said Bauffman, a prominent contributor to the fourth edition of the Democratic Symptoms Of Maltreatment handbook, or DSM-IV. "On the other hand, Canada, which was raised in the very same continent by the same mother country, only exercised small-scale resistance, remaining loyal well into its maturity. Though some see Canada as cold and remote, it has, unlike the U.S., managed to lead a peaceful, reasonably healthy existence."

Bauffman pointed to another telltale sign of abuse in the U.S.'s tendency to bully, torture, and persecute less powerful, vulnerable creatures, such as buffalo, passenger pigeons, forests, and Native Americans.

Although the American nation appeared to be on the road to recovery by the early 1990s, watershed events such as the open discussion of sexual issues, a protracted custody battle in the closing months of 2000, and a series of threats and physical attacks from enemy nations triggered centuries of repressed memories and set off a recurring pattern of violent outbursts and emotional volatility.

"America compensated for early mistreatment by taking out this pent-up aggression on other nations—getting involved in aggressive conflicts seemingly just for the thrill of it, starting arguments and wars that can't be won, suspecting that everyone is out to get them," Drexel said. "This nation needs help, but by its very nature, refuses to accept it."

Drexel defended the study's findings amid claims that America's current condition can be attributed to a much wider variety of factors.

"Granted, part of America's problems may stem from the fact that it was burdened with a false sense of responsibility at a young age because of the unrealistic expectations of the country's forefathers, and there is certainly something to be said about America having been part of a broken homeland for a four-year period in the mid-19th century," Drexel said. "Even though the U.S. is over 200 years old, emotionally it's younger than Lithuania."

Added Drexel: "But we must remember that the country also idealized the forefathers in a classic victim–abuser relationship."

The report recommended that the United Nations Security Council once again renew its efforts to organize an international intervention to help the U.S. get the counseling it needs. Prior attempts have failed to move beyond the planning stage, however, with many countries saying they are afraid that the U.S. may lash out.





JEFFERSON'S FIRST DRAFT OF THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE:

When in the Course of human stuff events, it becomes really really important necessary for one people to dissolve the political thingies bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of grayskull the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's candy God intitle entootle entuttle entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these tooths truths to be self-cleaning evident, that all men are created somewhat equal, that they are very very much endowed almost prohibitively so in Ben's case by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, free beer, a coconut, trampoline shoes, and the trivial pursuit of Happiness. That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men and Women, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to call everyone they know a Nazi alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety, Cool Hair, and Happiness. The Biggest Biceps in the Room, Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not ^not not ^not not not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shown shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while idiots evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long choo-choo train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Jackassery Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw up on off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future Tyranny security.


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