PRESIDENT OBAMA GOES TO THE LIONS' DEN - - - AND MAULS THE LIONS! 104 AGAINST 1 WAS NOT A FAIR FIGHT... FOR THE 104!

Look at our president at the GOP conference.

See for yourself. Free from the spin and the partisan rhetoric. Do you see what I see?

I don't know about you, but I see a president who has the know-how, the intellectual capacity, the guts to speak to his disloyal opponents face to face, to demonstrate to them and to the American people his real ability to lead this nation to a place where its strength and moral authority is reinvigorated.

I see a president who doesn't need to spin, to lie, to heartlessly oppose for opposition's sake.

I see a president who exemplifies American ideals but who is distracted by a round the clock assault launched by those who would scuttle the very country they profess to represent and who in fact hate the man for reasons which speak to the very core of their disloyalty.

I see a president who represents this country's best hope.

And I see a Republican party which is bitterly dedicated to his utter and complete defeat and which, by extension, is therefore dedicated to the utter and complete defeat of this country and all its citizens who still believe in the democratic ideal.

Can anyone -- ANYONE -- imagine ever seeing George W. Bush doing what Barack Obama is doing? Can anyone -- ANYONE -- remember what this country used to mean, what it used to stand for and what it actually fought for?

The Obama presidency has brought this country to a crossroads, a point in its psychological and social development it has never had to face. The masks of those formerly smug obstructionists in their pressed suits and Old Glory lapel pins have fallen away, their motives exposed.

You see it in their twisted smirks or in their regimented silence. You hear it in their disingenuous, misleading comments. You know it in their utter disregard for the democratic process.

Look at what is happening. Do you see what I see?





FULL TRANSCRIPT



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REP. JOE WILSON 'TOTALLY STOKED' FOR OBAMA'S STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS

Of all the Americans eagerly anticipating President Obama's State of the Union address on Wednesday, perhaps none is more excited than Rep. Joe Wilson (R - SC).

"I've got to tell you, I'm totally stoked about it," Mr. Wilson told reporters today. "I've been preparing for it for weeks."

While Rep. Wilson was cagey about what those preparations entailed, he said, "My constituents expect a certain kind of performance from me and I don't want to disappoint them."

"You always want to try to top yourself," he added.

Carol Foyler, a congressional staffer who works in the office next to Rep. Wilson, said that she did not know what the congressman was hatching "but he sure has been making a racket in there."

"Starting at nine in the morning, he spends all day shouting the same phrase over and over again," she said. "I can't make out the exact words, but it sounds like 'pants on fire.'"

Dr. Davis Logsdon, who studies the pathology of public outbursts at the University of Minnesota School of Medicine, says that behavior like Rep. Wilson's needs to be put in a medical context.

"I don't like to diagnose from a distance, but Joe Wilson may be suffering from a medical condition," he says. "It's a syndrome known as congress interruptus."





In his first State of the Union Address tonight, President Barack Obama plans to ignore Joe Wilson's shouts of "Liar, liar, pants on fire" and attempt to reach out to middle class voters by stating his opposition to pants on the ground, whether or not they are on fire.

In an advance copy of the president's speech obtained by The World According To ME, Mr. Obama uses the phrase "pants on the ground" no fewer than sixteen times.

"My fellow Americans, let's be clear: if you wear your pants on the ground, and your hat to the side, you run the risk of looking like a fool," Mr. Obama says.

"Let us all work together, as Americans, to lift those pants off the ground," the president continues in one of the speech's rhetorical flourishes.

In a similar vein, at one point the president indicates that he will veto any health care bill that pays for "gold in your mouth."

Mr. Obama's opposition to pants on the ground is seen by many as an attempt to reach out to Republicans, for whom droopy trousers have been a winning issue.

But so far, early GOP reaction to the president's speech has been muted, if comments by House Minority Leader John Boehner (R-OH) are any indication.

"Quite frankly, we were opposed to pants on the ground until he was," Rep. Boehner said. "Now we're for them."




Click These Words For The Full Transcript Of President Obama's State Of The Union Address



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SUPREME COURT APPROVES SALE OF UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT TO THE CHAMBER OF COMMERCE

(Washington D.C.) Sources are reporting that the United States Supreme court has approved the sale of the U.S. Government to the United States Chamber of Commerce. The deal struck between the conservative court and the Chamber should close in late 2012 for an undisclosed sum of money. The transition from civilian to corporate control of the government should be completed by 2012, when the Chamber will appoint a new president.

"I can't tell you how excited we are at the Chamber are about this deal," confesses Chamber President and CEO Thomas Donohue. "We have been working on this deal for years and to have the court finally approve it is a real milestone in the history of corporate America. We have big plans for the United States Government."

The deal approved by the Court requires that The US Chamber of Commerce and its three million member businesses pay an undisclosed amount of money to elected members of congress and local governments to facilitate the transfer of ownership. After the agreed payments are made the formerly elected officials will become contract employees of the Chamber and will manage the U.S. Government on the Chambers behalf.

"The change is not really as big as it sounds," says Chamber COO David Chavern, "We already influence the elected members of the government through political contributions and lobbyists. The new system just makes the control of the U.S. Government by corporate interests more transparent, which I think everybody will agree is a good thing.

OLBERMANN PART I



OLBERMANN PART II





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GOP RALLIES MASSACHUSETTS VOTERS: "OUR DREAM OF DEPRIVING MILLIONS OF HEALTH CARE IS WITHIN REACH."

BOSTON - Firing up voters on the eve of the special election to fill the late Edward M. Kennedy's Senate seat, Republican candidate Scott Brown spoke at a campaign rally today, proclaiming, "With your help, our dream of depriving millions of health care is within reach."

"Let's send a message, Massachusetts!" Mr. Brown exhorted the crowd. "Let's tell people across the country that if they want health coverage, they are shit out of luck!"

An aide to Mr. Brown said that internal polling reveals that the Republican's anti-healthcare message may be catching on: "Right now, Scott is showing a double-digit lead among people who describe themselves as douchebags."


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UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE




It appears Scott Brown will be attempting to fill Ted Kennedy's seat in the U.S. Senate with the qualifications you see displayed in his Cosmo centerfold from 1982, when he was named Cosmo's America's Sexiest Man. It obviously didn't make a huge splash at the time, but is enjoying great circulation now. We can tell that even then, he was not a fan of 'full disclosure'.

This is merely an observation. Perhaps we're more sexist than we'd like to admit in this country. The old Cosmo spread of the 22-year-old law student brings nothing more than a wink, while beauty pageant winners are judged more harshly, some having lost their crowns when nude photos have appeared. I could be wrong, but I don't think they cast important votes in the Senate. In this case, it's sad to say that Brown's 28-year-old nude modeling stint may have curried some favor with undecided voters.

But this loss is nothing compared to that morning in November 1994 when we woke up to find that three of the most obnoxious reactionary neo confederate Right wing assholes in Congress had taken over the House of Representatives: Newt Gingrich, Dick Armey and Tom Delay. They were 40 seats down and came out 40 seats ahead. Not long after a 4th obnoxious reactionary neo confederate Right wing asshole (and racist), Trent Lott took over the United States Senate. Hard to believe but that really happened. It was the day that reason died.

TURN OFF CABLE NEWS FOR A WEEK OR SO. You don't need to be told what happened. You know what happened.

Sure people who already have health insurance in a state that has a public option don't want to be paying more for health care for anyone living in frigging New York or Kansas!

Sure the Tea Baggers came out in mass to vote against the socialist undocumented Negro president.

But what this is really about is the ever dissolving attention span of American voters. These people just 16 months out from George W. Bush fucking up the world more than any other President in history, re-elected him in a clone named Scott Brown.

This may make Republicans not only a little too cocky, but move them closer to being the Mad Tea Party which will not be good for them in real elections, and in the long run. And Health Care reform was not much other than a toe in the door.

Here's what we Liberal Progressive Democrat types can do to beat up Tea Baggers. Once they quiet down and stop screaming about debt and taxes and big government, ask them what specific service or program they want to eliminate. You see the problem? They want to say Social Security, Medicaid, Medicare, Food Stamps, Dept of Energy, Department of Education, the IRS, the BTAF, Public Television, and Public Radio to name just a few.

These weasels are smart enough to know they can't tell the truth in public.


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PAT ROBERTSON ADMITS HIS DEAL WITH SATAN

Billionaire evangelist Pat Robertson admitted that he made a deal with Satan for worldly success.

"You ask how I know that the Haitians made a deal with the devil?" he said to his radio audience, "Well it's because the Devil Himself told me. We talk every day as I report to him what I do for him.

"Didn't you ever notice I make millions from blood diamonds in Zaire, and none of my Christian flock ever objects?," he went on. "I blamed 9/11 on lesbians! The crazier the things I do and say, the more money I make. That's not how God works. Obviously I did a deal with the Other Guy."

"When I first considered the Bible as the literal truth," Robertson continued. "I was sad because Jesus commanded us to give all we had to the poor. Like the young man He was speaking to, I went away sad, for I too wished to be rich.

"But then I read about Satan offering mastery of the world to Jesus if only He would do homage to the Devil, I thought 'OK, you've got a deal!'"

"At the time, I didn't know what 'do homage' meant, but I thought it had something to do with homos. So I sodomized a statue of Lucifer and said 'I will serve you if you make me rich'.

"I looked again at the Bible and discovered that Satan is called the Father of Lies. All I have to do is find people who like to be lied to, and they will make me rich. I prayed to Satan, and he delivered millions of credulous fools into my hands.

"Now everyone who is listening to my words get down on all fours and bleat like sheep," he commanded, "And send me a fat check!"

Attempts to contact Satan for confirmation of this story were unsuccessful.









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FOX: PALIN'S APPEARANCES TO BE SIMULCAST IN ENGLISH

NEW YORK - One day after announcing that she would be a commentator on the Fox News Channel, the network revealed that former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin's appearances would be simulcast in English.

"We are delighted that Gov. Palin will, for the first time, be understandable to the English-speaking audience," said Fox News chief Roger Ailes. "This should create a whole new fan base for her."

Gov. Palin praised the decision, adding, "I know many Americans will be interested in understanding what I have to say and I will also too."

In a related story, Fox said it had "no interest" in hiring funnyman Conan O'Brien, explaining, "Sarah Palin takes care of our comedy needs."









Welcome To Fox, Mrs. Palin. We're Sure You'll Fit Right In:





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BANNED WORDS OF 2010: 15 TERMS THAT SHOULD BE BANISHED THIS YEAR

Here's another New Year's resolution to add to your list: scrub 15 "overused" and "useless" words from your vocabulary.

Lake Superior State University has issued a list of the top 15 words that it thinks deserve to be banished in 2010.

Former LSSU Public Relations Director Bill Rabe and friends created "word banishment" in 1975 at a New Year's Eve party and released the first list on New Year's Day. Since then, LSSU has received tens of thousands of nominations for the list, which includes words and phrases from marketing, media, education, technology and more.

Here's the university's 35th annual List of Words Banished from the Queen's English for Mis-use, Over-use and General Uselessness:

* Shovel-ready

* Transparent/Transparency

* Czar

* Tweet

* App

* Sexting

* Friend as a verb

* Teachable moment

* In these economic times ...

* Stimulus

* Toxic assets

* Too big to fail

* Bromance

* Chillaxin'

* Obama-prefix or roots



What do you think, commenters? Got any more suggestions to add to the above LSSU list for the comments page?

I thought you would. LOL.

No, really, we should ban LOL. Who the fuck truly Laughs Out Loud? Or really now - - ROTFLMAO? Buffy, if you ever catch me Rolling On The Floor Laughing My Ass Off, please just call 911 for me (lol - oops!).





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OBAMA WARNS AGAINST NORTHWEST AIRLINE FLIGHT 253 BACKLASH, INTOLERANCE

In the wake of the attempted Christmas Day bombing of Northwest Airlines flight 253, President Obama, in a news conference from the Pacific White House in Hawaii, today cautioned Americans to avoid "lashing out against folks in puffy underpants."

Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, 23, the son of a wealthy Nigerian banker, faces charges of attempting to destroy an airliner by detonating a high explosive sewn into what the FBI described as "boxers or briefs ... but clearly not adult incontinence undergarments."

"Our future as a nation depends on how we react to this incident," the president said. "If we start profiling people based on the mere appearance of their slacks, a lot of incontinent adults as well as infants and toddlers will be swept up in the discriminatory backlash. Civil rights and social justice must take precedence over our parochial concerns about fire, explosions, crashes and the potential of physical harm resulting from such events."

Standing side by side with the chairman of the Council of Adult Incontinence Relations, Obama noted that some of his own relatives had worn absorbent underwear, and "none of them ever attempted to down a jet."

"We cannot let this isolated incident spark hate against a people who, by and large, want nothing more than to be left alone," the president said. "The greatest threat we face is a failure of tolerance. We will not allow a few bad apples change who we are as Americans."

Meanwhile, Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano announced new security measures for airports, including a requirement that passengers "dispense with belts, allowing their trousers to sag in a manner that would reveal any potential undergarment threat."

"Sagging is still quite fashionable among America's youth," Napolitano said, "and so we believe that these new measures will not cause significant inconvenience to the traveling public. Every airline passenger will submit to this security protocol to prevent it from being discriminatory against any minority group."





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