After receiving close to $170 billion in bailout money, mega-insurance company American International Group (AIG) promptly paid almost all of its top executives "well-deserved temporary one-time salary raises" of over $1 million apiece.
In order to recognize the American taxpayers for paying their salaries, the company bought a thank you card from a local Rite-Aid pharmacy and mailed it to the White House.
The World According To ME was granted exclusive access to the card, which is made of 100% recycled cardboard. The front reads "To someone special", and the inside contains the following message:
"Dear America: Hey, how's it going? We just wanted to send a quick thank you for helping pay our bonuses during this time of need. We know you sacrificed a lot, and we appreciate everything. Sincerely, your pals, AIG. P.S. -- we stimulated the economy by buying this card, so... we're probably pretty even now."
The card is signed by over 70 AIG employees -- each of whom signed their names with 24 karat gold leaf -- including Edward Liddy, chairman and CEO of the company.
"We felt the need to express how thankful we at AIG are to America," said Liddy in a press conference to discuss the card, "because without the bailout money, we would have definitely had to declare bankruptcy, and I'm pretty sure you can't give bonuses when you're bankrupt, because of a strange condition, unfamiliar to me, that occurs when you don't have any more money."
Preempting critics who hate greeting cards, Liddy also said that the executive bonuses were necessary to keep the firm's top talent from going elsewhere in today's hot financial services job market.
"You need to pay top dollar to keep guys like these. Had they not been around during this recent crisis, we may have been in real danger of needing some more government money. More than we already got."
Liddy added that, on a "completely unrelated note", 11 executives departed the company immediately after receiving their bonuses.
White House spokesman Robert Gibbs said that President Obama, who has up to this point condemned the bonuses, is "deeply touched" by AIG's card, and has decreed that the card be permanently displayed in a case on the White House lawn.
"Obviously, since the card is addressed to America, everyone in America deserves to see the card," said Gibbs, wiping a tear from his eye. "I've never seen anything like this. It's just beautiful."
Lawmakers on Capitol Hill were so excited by the card that most of them skipped work on Tuesday. They thronged to see the card and have their photos taken with it, waiting up to eight hours in line.
"I think that without us here in Washington, none of this would have happened," said a proud Speaker Nancy Pelosi. "If anyone should get to keep this card, it should be all of us in Congress. We are so awesome.".
84 comments:
I've got a shovel and duck tape.
Don't underestimate the power of the Colbert Nation.
I think at the very least people need to band together and blockade AIGs offices. Don't let anyone in or out and just watch what happens. People need to turn out and show these fools that we've had enough.
A mob too big to fail!
Colbert for Treasury Secretary!!
Colbert is right on....everyone is so self righteous....off with their heads...
I'll bring the torch!
I'll buy the wienies and marshmallows for the nice little bonfire afterwards...
LET THEM EAT CAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am a AIG executive and I need my millions. You taxpayers do not understand my complicated financial derivatives. If I am not paid more millions I will not be able to be retained to lose AIG more billions.
Colbert should have shown a clip of the pitchfork mob in the old Frankenstein movie.
Exactly, thought of that too!
Here is a stock tip:
Invest in pitch forks.
Lynch Merrill! Sack Goldman! Egg AIG! And while the Bastille is burning, think up more puns!!!
I fucked up really badly in my job recently. I asked my boss for a million dollar bonus for losing so much of the company's money. I asked him to look at AIG and their performance standards in awarding bonuses. He said I was FIRED !!! I don't understand why this didn't work. Can anyone explain this?
Well, you work in the mail room. What do ya expect dude?
Ah yes. Put 'em in the stocks and give rotten vegetables to the angry bystanders.
Nothin' like old-time justice.
Given the state of farming, there are, what, 9 pitchforks left in America?
Then we shall storm them with... COMBINES!
I have a rake, will that do?
No farm implements here, but I'll bring my brand-new, SHARP pair of hedge clippers.
Clippy clippy!
I say tax stoppage. Don't give the government a cent of money until they account for the money they've already received. That's just good business.
We didn't bail out the banks to give out bonuses, have corporate parties and vacations or to pay lobbyists to work against us.
We bailed them out to make loans.
They're not making any.
They should give the money back. They should also apologize for being morons. And their companies should figuratively die. It couldn't be any worse than what's happening now. And will probably be cheaper in the long run.
We live in an upside down world where greedy corporate suits destroy the company they work for and get million dollar bonuses in the process. The inmates now run the asylum.
We have corporations who don't care whether they destroy countries, as long as their shareholders benefit, run by people who don't care whether they destroy those companies, as long as their bonus checks arrive.
"and should I fail - I get nothing - except $165 million".
What a bargain.
Too big to fail should be too big to exist.
Why did the govt break up the telephone company back in the 80's if they were then going to allow banks to consolidate into giant behemoths that can take the world economy down with it?
Good question to ask a Republican
another good one: how come the unions of the car companies have to break their contracts to save their companies, but we can't end this practice IN A COMPANY WE OWN 80% OF ?!
Because union workers aren't the rich, they're just the ones doing the work every day.
Rightwing ideology might be down, but it's not out, unfortunately.
Is there a copy of the much-discussed contract anywhere available? The one that AIG says is written in stone? As the major shareholders it seems to me that we have the right to examine this contract in full. Has the full contract been published online? If not, why not?
Glad at least someone's asking.
Who gets a bonus in March???
What do they get monthly and quarterly bonuses?
Since when does a company that is failing, that is not producing a profit give out bonuses anyway? Oh yeah, that right - when the company is paying their executives bonuses with loan money they received with taxpayers dollars. I say don't give them another damn dime! Correction: DON"T GIVE AIG ANOTHER DAMN PENNY!
And change the date that they start repaying the loan to April 1, 2009!
The reason why it's March is so that their wives can start shopping for summer and fall since the fashion shows are over. They know just what to buy! Daughters need to buy debutante gowns too.
And say, since the housing market is doing poorly, now's the time to pick up a mansion or two.
AIG's assertion that it had no choice but to make multi-million dollar bonus payments was undercut this afternoon by New York Attorney General Andrew Cuomo, who revealed new details about the now-infamous pay packages.
Cuomo reveals that 73 individuals received bonuses of $1 million or more, with one recipient getting a bonus of more than $6.4 million.
According to Bloomberg News, AIG has "also budgeted $57 million in "retention" pay for employees who will be dismissed, according to a March 2 filing to the Securities and Exchange Commission."
http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601109&sid=aYXAa1WkRang&refer=home
• The top recipient received more than $6.4 million;
• The top seven bonus recipients received more than $4 million each;
• The top ten bonus recipients received a combined $42 million;
• 22 individuals received bonuses of $2 million or more, and combined they
received more than $72 million;
• 73 individuals received bonuses of $1 million or more; and
• Eleven of the individuals who received "retention" bonuses of $1 million
or more are no longer working at AIG, including one who received $4.6
million;
Again, these payments were all made to individuals in the subsidiary whose performance led to crushing losses and the near failure of AIG. Thus, last week, AIG made more than 73 millionaires in the unit which lost so much money that it brought the firm to its knees, forcing taxpayer bailout.
I think it's time the government took over management of AIG. This is ridiculous.
I agree, it's time to nationalize some of these outfits. It's obvious that the business culture that has been established since the Reagan years will not correct itself.
I agree.
The Treasury owns eighty percent of it.
Call the loan, and take over, assuring that all units but the financial section involved in the credit swaps and derivatives shall meet all their responsibilities.
Immediately spin off the section involved and then all the speculators could be forced to take five or ten cents on the dollar.
Until this time, AIG has been paying 100% of the insured price.
Now if we could just take up a collection, raise $1,000 for the smart someone that can publish their names!
Think we'll ever get the names of FILTHY RICH Americans who are laundering BILLIONS in Swiss Bank accounts?
Looting at the highest level.
Guess what started all this ? Trillion dollar war for no reason, but to give oil companies contracts in iraq !
*jumping up and down*
Pick me
Pick me
I know
bush
A retention bonus even though they no longer work there?
This AIG nonsense started when the Fed gave them money before the election took place. This is still the fallout of that. Congress didn't bail them out that time but the Bush Administration and the Treasury did with no strings attached if I recall correctly. This wasn't Obama's doing or even the doing of Congress (Dems or Reps). They were only told after the money was given.
True. The AIG bailout (along with TARP) was designed and largely implemented before January 20, 2009.
The second wave was actually pushed through in January, as the Bush Administration was cleaning out its desks and heading out the door.
At the time some people noted that it looked like they were deliberately locking Obama into a really really bad deal -- but they denied that and insisted it was essential to the survival of the planet.
If a company is too big to fail, I believe they are too big to exist.
100% agreed.
these AIG guys knew AIG was toast back in August of 2007 when the subprime meltdown began in earnest.
Thus they wrote contracts in 2008 stipulating bonuses that were completely out-of-line with market conditions, so they must have known they were running a Ponzi Scheme when they wrote these contracts.
So much for the AIG argument they need to pay the bonuses to retain employees if a lot of those employees are no longer there.
So where can I get a job where I can quit a company I helped to bankrupt and get paid millions in bonuses for doing it.....AFTER I LEAVE?!?
I want NAMES! I didn't know you got a bonus for showing up to work, I thought that was a salary. Since when has a bonus not been given for performance? Oh that's right, the top 1% has been doing this all along. It's just now we know the details of what has been going on behind our backs all of these years.
I'm in the wrong line of work.
Gee, I don't get a guaranteed bonus if I mess up and cause my company to lose millions. What a racket.
And now they are talking letting them have the bonus money so that they will cooperate in fixing the problems.... uhm what sounds weird about that ? (that was from a Yahoo article I just read.)
Also read that quite a few of those folks just left AIG... uh doesn't that violate their "retention" bonus ??
They get the money and say- "see ya" to AIG ??
Wow, must be nice, huh ?
Now, if I can only convince my boss that I am so essential that he needs to present me with a "retention" bonus so I don't leave his company....woo hoo !! Ain't business fun ??
I would take back the bonuses, (which were paid last Friday, by the way, so it's too late to stop) let them sue, and then bring down the full extent of the law on them, looking into details of the contracts and how fraudulent they were.
AIG = American Implosion Guaranteed
I agree, the drum beat is reaching a "let's hang 'em from the nearest yard arm" fever pitch.
However, ponder this impact/effect from all of this crowd noise: AIG also has a very profitable Property and Casualty company as well as a Life insurance company with approx. 18 million policyholders. If a large number of these policyholders start to panic and request any cash value from their policy, beyond AIG's reserves, guess who pays for the excess demand?
Under insurance laws, the various state insurance depts would merely call your life ins. cos. and demand that they pay up "their share" to pay for the excess demand by AIG's policyholders.
For those yelling to let AIG file bankruptcy, start asking what would be consequences..
This story gets more revolting by the minute.
this was done under the Bush administration and it was their last and final attempt to steal from the taxpayers to give to the top 3 percent. Now Bush has tossed Obama a grenade with the pin pulled.
And it was explicit that there would be no oversight. Only Paulson could make decisions, and nobody could question him. Remember that little bit???
This was done on Bush's watch and they didn't put any restrictions on the funds. Even so, Repubs are trying to blame Obama. We all watched the financial markets failing 2 months before the election.
it was the Federal Reserve that gave the first $85B. No strings. This is Paulson's work, under George W. Bush's presidency.
This will be GREAT for the economy!! Those 73 fortunate folks are going to be spending like there's no tomorrow . . . talk about a stimulus!!
New kitchens, vacations, parties, new cars, etc, etc. If we all got an incentive like this, the stock market would be over 12,000!
They will be spending like no tomorrow: hiring defense lawyers.
Unfortunately congress will be hiring defense lawyers if they try to take these legal and already paid bonuses from them.
http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601109&sid=aYXAa1WkRang&refer=home
Though AIG has stressed that payments were essential to retain individuals at Financial Products vital to unwinding the subsidiary business, Cuomo notes that "numerous individuals who received large 'retention' bonuses are no longer at the firm."
So they took their golden parachutes and are GONE with the wind? PRICELESS!
I'd like to know WHY an AIG "contract" CAN'T be broken ... when thousands of hard working common citizens have had their CONTRACTS broken ... their pensions, healthcare, etc, etc, etc, are GONE with the wind!
The banking and insurance industries have traditionally been among the most politically influential sectors.
That was especially true during the George W. Bush years, when regulatory policies and tax legislation -- especially cuts in the rates on dividend and capital gains income -- produced a corporate bonanza.
In the 2004 election, these financial interests demonstrated their gratitude by contributing hundreds of thousands to the Bush-Cheney '04 campaign.
Employees of Morgan Stanley gave Bush more than any other company, $600,480; followed by Merrill Lynch, $580,004; PricewaterhouseCoopers, $513,750; UBS Americas, $472,075; Goldman Sachs, $390,600; MBNA Corp, $356,350; Credit Suisse Group, $331,040; Lehman Brothers, $329,725; Citigroup Inc, $320,620; and Bear Stearns, $309,150.*
*Decisions made during the final months of the Bush administration created an environment in which Goldman Sachs and Morgan Stanley not only flourished, but saw their competitors laid waste, with firms like Lehman in bankruptcy, and others, like Merrill Lynch and Bank of America, forced to merge in desperate hope of surviving.
The consequences of the decisions made in the private meetings chaired by Republican Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson back in September 2008, are just now coming to light, even if transparency is modest at best.
Clearly, when regulators and the regulated are trusted to reach decisions behind closed doors -- decisions involving the financial viability of major banks -- those who are regulated, operating out of public view, will do all they can to insure that their interests are protected.
Whoa - lightbrigade sounded like nostrodamus (meaning I'll need to read that a few more times to get it)
What is the likelihood that you could have hired any hundred people walking by randomly and put them in charge of AIG and had a better outcome?
Fire them all, go to some high school Future Business Leaders Club meeting and hire them as replacements - as an after school job.
If these AIG execs were smart, they'd be spending like there's no tomorrow. Because that money will be confiscated like Madoff's.
Personally, i would use my bonus on a nice yacht. Or maybe a vacation home? Hmmm...so much money, so little time.
I'd secure it offshore....
It's their patriotic duty to spend it to help get us out of this recession.
So what if the bonuses were already paid on Friday? If somebody robs me, I don't say, "They've already got the money. There's nothing we can do."
What I say is, "Go after these criminals and don't let them get away!!!" Sounds like AG Andrew Cuomo's got the right idea.
Cuomo should list the names of the bonus babies - and their home addresses, emails and phone numbers. Maybe when angry mobs show up at their front doors in the middle of the night, then they will think twice about keeping their bonuses. Not only should these criminals not be rewarded for collapsing our financial system - they should be prosecuted and imprisoned!
It's time for nationalization! call it socialism, i don't care! the american people are suckers. the greedy and gluttonous and their free market enterprise is running the country, scaring us with words like socialism, telling us not to trust government and wanting us to believe government is the enemy, throwing us a few pennies in the market so we can look the other way and shut up, while robbing the feds and taxpayers blind. when are we going to stand for something and say enough is enough!
This is why the free market capitalists hate government. they don't want big brother catching them with their hand in the till taking off with our money. it's like living in a country without the laws and enforcement. Is this what we want, a society of crooks and hustlers?
Remember that this is a firm that is 79.9% owned by the United States government.
It is therefore quite possible to abort this outrage by decisive exercise of public authority.
Within existing law, there is more than one way to do it, but a direct solution is readily at hand: Firstly, the US trustees in charge of the firm must immediately instruct the corporate treasurer to make no payments of any bonuses.
They also need to order him to issue stop payment orders on any checks that fly out the door at the last minute, as with Merrill Lynch.
Then the trustees need to split off the derivatives unit from the rest of the firm and separately incorporate it. This step leaves AIG's other businesses free to operate as usual.
If the recipients of the bonuses refuse to waive them, then the derivatives unit should at once be thrown into bankruptcy, terminating all obligations to pay them.
Don't make too much of this.
The reason AIG executives are leaving now is that they figure if they leave now the contracts they have will still apply. If they wait, the government or bankruptcy may take the existing contracts away.
Plus, by getting ahead of it, they can go to work at Goldman Sachs and others, where they, no doubt, have contacts since they've been shoveling money at those companies.
They simply move to another office across town and keep doing the same thing for similar pay.
The FBI is also looking into AIG to see if it was fraud by the top Executives that ran the company into the ground.
If AIG is so bold to give out these bonuses, some as large as 6.4 million with bailout funds, I wouldn't be surprised if some fraud went on.
The CEO was caught in a lie already, he stated that the bonuses were to keep employees and we found out today that several employees took the money and ran.
I think some of these jokers are going to end up behind bars.
Another Enron in the making!
Cuomo (we love you) said these bonuses make 73 new millionaires--no! They're ALREADY MILLIONAIRES. Their bonuses are locked in to their 2007 bonuses--they've been getting multi-million dollar bonuses e v e r y year.
So some guy has gotten $6.4 Million--this year, last year--every year. In ADDITION to salary. He (not she, with a glass ceiling) probably got this year after year during Bush. Nothing wrong with that if he's MAKING money--no, they did this while they drove the entire economy into the toilet and bankrupted us all. Some "talent".
Now he thinks he should keep getting it. He wants ME to pay it to him.
I've never felt so anti-corporate in my life.
"Dear America: Hey, how's it going? We just wanted to send a quick thank you for helping pay our bonuses during this time of need. We know you sacrificed a lot, and we appreciate everything. Sincerely, your pals, AIG. P.S. -- we stimulated the economy by buying this card, so... we're probably pretty even now."
Doc - you're a friggin genius. :)
True, and thanks doc for giving us a forum to blow off steam over all this greed, corruption, and stupidity.
Here's something else to be pissed at:
The heart of darkness was the AIG Financial Products (AIGFP) office in London, where a large proportion of the derivatives were written.
AIG had placed this unit outside American borders, which meant that it would not have to abide by American insurance reserve requirements.
In other words, the derivatives clerks in London could sell as many products as they could write"even if it would bankrupt the company.
http://www.villagevoice.com/2009-01-28/news/what-cooked-the-world-s-economy/1
Yeah. Most of these AIG execs getting millions in bonuses seem to be in London so they dont care. Take their millions and run.
Sad to say, you guys are right. According to CNBC.com many AIG bonus recipients are overseas:
AIG's bonus payments ranged from $1,000 to $6.5 million, CNBC has learned. Only seven employees will receive a bonus of more than $3 million.
Although some suspect pressure may be growing for those employees who received bonuses to return them on their own free will, many of the employees who received bonuses are not American and may not care that American taxpayers are outraged over the incident.
Read more here...http://www.cnbc.com/id/29724707
In light of all this, may I just say on behalf of the American taxpayer:
"FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
All I need is a torch and some lighter fluid, I'm all about it.
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