The European Organization for Nuclear Research, or CERN, has announced a successful run of the $10-billion dollar Large Hadron Collider, which has been plagued for years with both technical problems and predictions that its use will cause the destruction of the Known Universe. And while scientists cheered as the Collider directed two proton beams into each other at three times more force than ever before, naysayers expressed a grim satisfaction as the Known Universe did indeed implode, just as they predicted. Here are some reader comments:
Festus P. Hyman of Billings, Montana said, "I knew it would happen, you know, the end of time and space and all that if they collided these protons, and when I woke up this morning and heard on the TV that the world had ended...well, I was upset, let me tell you. Why, just yesterday I fixed the damn gutter on my garage; turns out that with the world being destroyed and all, I could've just stayed inside and watched a re-run of "Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader?"
Unnamed Tea Bag Party Source, Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse, speaking on the condition of anonymity said, "We in the TB movement are justifiably incensed at the reckless use of so-called science that has once again resulted in the total destruction of everything. What is this, the sixth or seventh time now that the Godless scientific community has annihilated Mankind? Won't these people ever learn?"
Little Mikey Weiner, six year old grandson of Herb Allist of Brooklyn, NY, said, "Grandpa was screaming just the other day about the end of the world, but he thought it would be Obama's Healthcare thing that destroyed it or Nancy Pelosi, not this part...partic...particular thing. But Grandpa is always screaming about something...Momma says he just a savage and I shouldn't listen to him...so I didn't pay any attention. Good thing too, cause Mrs. Jensen said I still have to turn in my book report even if the Universe wasn't there to read it."
The utter destruction of Mankind and the Known Universe has also played havoc with stock markets around the world - the Dow Jones Industrial Average dipped .01% on the news and oil prices rose by ten cents per barrel amid speculation that without a solid planet to walk on, more people would be driving. Heating oil prices have also risen as oblivion is a cold, cold place.
The end of the Universe as we know it also has its bright side, of course. Fears of Global Warming have decreased markedly, as there is no longer a globe to warm, the glut of foreclosed and existing homes have eased dramatically and the crisis in the Middle East has disappeared, along with the rest of everything else. Plus, and most happily of all, you'll never have to worry about Sarah Palin becoming President.
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198 comments:
Next up for the massive experiment is to collide those beams together to create a spectacular tiny explosion that could confirm or challenge decades of theoretical predictions.
By sorting through the wreckage, physicists may find particular subatomic particles that will only exist under certain theoretical scenarios.
For example, the detection of certain types of supersymmetric particles, aka 'sparticles', could be seen as what physicist Michio Kaku calls, “signals from the 11th dimension.”
– The 11th dimension is Sparta.
Sparticles! Damn, you beat me to it. “These are Spartaaaaaaaacles!”
Sparty on, Wayne!!!!
I saw a sparticle last night—I think it was about half past 12 beers. The sparticle looked a lot like my carpet and it just jumped up and smacked me in the face.
The thing is cool to be sure but why am I scared?? I think it’s the name of it that’s doing it to me. Can’t they change it to the Hagrid Colander? I’m much more at ease with that.
Why do people worry about little black holes? The RHIC has been making strangelets in New York for years now. No, that is not where your 401(k) dollars went.
My God the space time continuum is going to be altered again. This isn't the first time the collider has started. We're in a parallel universe about to start a third. Where will it end? According to doc, it did. All that's left is our reader comments.
Let's all make a suit out of tin foil quick.. shiny side out .. it will protect us from the blast and we can be the first to start the human race again.. yeah! Ladies?
Ha! You wish.
BREAKING NEWS
Shortly after the collision today, apparently all the bald men in the area suddenly developed a full head of hair.
Rumor has it that some albino ex-alter boy dude from Dublin is gonna steal this God particle stuff, and take it to the Vatican during the next conclave. I wonder what he'll do with it there......?
The only thing the Hadron Collider will discover is the ability to divide by 0.
Hey!! Where's the black hole that was supposed to swallow up the universe? It's not fair! We were promised fireworks! (grumbles back to his cave)
In order to further the reaches of science, we have to experiment with the unknown.
The effects of the LHC have, however, been predicted in theory - the machine is running experiments to test the theory.
Unfortunately, many people (all republican) who do not understand the science have simply latched onto the 'God' particle and assumed that science is attempting to disprove the existence of God.
That's not what this is about; the 'God' particle is just a moniker to give non-scientists a handle on the problem.
Most of the universe is made up of 'stuff', and this experiment is to take us a step closer to understanding what that 'stuff' is. Simples.
People, people, please. We were assured that there was only a very small chance that they would implode the whole universe and if they did, it would be mostly painless. Doc was being satirical, as usual, because we survived it all intact.
In that respect it was no more dangerous than crossing the road. Or possibly a thruway. Carrying a nuclear bomb up your ass (do NOT fart!).
The Ghostbusters said it was a really bad idea to cross the beams.
lol
Any black holes that MIGHT be created have so little mass that they evaporate within the tiniest fractions of a second. They cannot possibly do any harm to the Earth. There's a reason that only very HUGE stars become black holes.
Isn't the event horizon the same as the Schwarzschild radius in a nonrotating black hole? In that case the event horizon of an LHC black hole would be exceedingly small, many many times smaller than the actual particle that produced it.
As far as I know, and I'm no physicist, the time dilation near a black hole is a result of its mass; If you create a black hole by smooshing some subatomic particles together, you still have something with very little mass.
Oh wise one, you lost me at 'Schwarzschild radius in a nonrotating black hole'
May the schwartz be with you, oh wise one.
????
Mel Brooks' movie Spaceballs.
The fears that some have expressed about this machine are indicative of just how poorly educated so many are in basic science. Perhaps they're all homeschooled in red states.
And it's also a good indication of how many people will believe anybody (especially if there's a fancy website involved) before they'll believe trained scientists and experts in the field.
Skepticism in all things is good. But unwarranted fear based on the glib babblings of no-nothings is pure gullibility.
The scientists at CERN are clearly not concerned that they may have created a machine that'll destroy the planet--and of all people, they should know. After all, they're scientists who've devoted their entire professional lives to physics. Plus they have families too. It doesn't make sense that the very people who should know better would go ahead and create a doomsday machine without realizing it.
Yet, some semi-literate clown like Glenn Beck can spew endless unscientific idiocy and thousands, if not millions, are convinced he's right. Why is that? Why are so many so gullible? Why are so many so poorly educated in basic science? And why do these clowns have the capacity and desire to panic so many people pointlessly? Sad. Very sad.
Can see it now - earth being torn apart from black hole developing in central Europe, meanwhile, back in DC, both political parties on Capital Hill are at press conferences to blame the other side for this happening in the first place.
Maybe that black hole should start in the dome of the capital...(see doc's cartoon).
On top of that, our sun bombards the Earth with more energy everyday than the LHC will put out in its lifetime. We have nothing to fear except new knowledge.
I'm gonna bet that the it was the media, not the scientists, who dubbed it "The God Particle."
It was not the media who dubbed it the "God Particle."
It is an elementary particle predicted to exist in the Standard Model of particle physics.
It's properly known as the Higgs boson particle. It is supposed to be the most basic particle in quantum physics (I believe it is one dimensional) that enables all the other particles to exist or to come into existence. I think.
It also has a place in the theoretical String theory.
Where is everybody? I'm surprised there are no more comments than there are.
It's doc's first blog in exactly one week. Sooner or later, they'll check for a new blog as we did and they'll join us.
I guess quantum physics and the science of tomorrow happening today, just is not as sexy as Christian militias, Sandra Bullock and all the rest.
I'm all for science, until you mentioned Sandra Bullock .... that makes it a real tough choice.
Happy passover, Jewbag.
If doc posted pics of topless lady scientists, more people would look!
We are doing cool things here in the USA as well! folks are home schooling their children to become future Tea Baggers- we don't need no stinkin' science
snark
As Texas writes Thomas Jefferson out of school textbooks; Europe embraces science!
Europe, in particular Germany used to have the greatest minds and universities in the world, until Hitler.
The US took that lead for obvious reasons; but now, we see the slow unraveling right-wing, neocon, religious conservatism has wrought.
Congratulations to the Europeans on this great machine and growing the next generation of scientists
I'm sure us guys will bounce back. Let Texas secede and banish every loon to Texas. Problem solved! ;)
I live in Texas. I think we should send all the nutcases out. Maybe Utah or Wyoming.
There's plenty of people here fed up with the fringe loonies.
Then once we have all the crazies contained we can invade the Republic of Texas and take it back, then waterboard all the survivors. :)
The LHC scientists should schedule their biggest collision ever for December 21, 2012 just to freak everyone out.
LOL!!!
I thought it was December 31, 2012? In either case, "everyone" knows nothing is going to happen until Jesus comes back. ahem.
Its the 21st, the solstice when there is some alignment of the earth sun and moon. Or at least that's the story, there is in reality nothing special about the 2012 solstice.
Mayan Calendar:
http://files.me.com/techcafe/c8z29a
OMG that was soooo funny!
We should create a fake news release and send it to a couple of conservatives. See how long it takes for mass hysteria.
I'm in.
Okay, I've got no idea what any of this means, if we've just created a rupture in the space-time continuum, started in motion a chain of events that will cause the universe to implode and Republicans to develop compassion, or just invented a new way to heat up Hot Pockets. But whatever it means, it's seriously cool.
Why don't the Vulcans just land already?
They did. Saw the tea baggers and left, leaving behind a 'quarantined' sign.
Yeah, they landed in Texas and left already, apparently there were no signs of intelligent life.
Hey! I resemble that remark!
Sorry earthlings but your particle is in another castle.
Protip: The castles name is ALICE, and there are 6 more castles.
This is what was probably going on in that castle at quantum level during the time of the collision. Heck, this is what goes on everywhere all the time when you dive down deep enough.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TQuqeLBTetA
That's a common misconception. However, the LHC energies are so high that it's more like this.
http://yooouuutuuube.com/v/?rows=18&cols=18&id=jt7AF2RCMhg&startZoom=1
Holy shit, that was trippy
It would be so fucked up if one day you get up to find that you are trapped inside that world and no one even noticed your existence there, let alone responded to your questions. They just went about singing and dancing to that song forever.
You try to maintain your sanity by assuming that you can escape from this nightmare by gathering enough energy to jump and escape the bonding forces which have trapped you in, but every new energy level you get to with each jump, you see the same people singing the same song and dancing in the same way, except that it adds a feeling of déjà vu on top of it. And it doesn't end till you run out of energy and shrivel up and die, only to be turned into fertilizer for those crazy dancing plants.
.. I don't know why I thought of that.
weeeed
Ive had dreams like that.
I thought doc's 'the large hadron rap' was trippy.
Here in Texas, the true believers are burning up their bible pages looking for some reference to the 'god particle'.
When a chapter and verse can be misinterpreted, some fundamentalist preacher will claim he/she/it knew it first and needs more money to prepare for a fact seeking trip to Europe to 'do research' to cement the actual date of Armageddon.
They'll swear it's the same as the 'piece of God which passes understanding'
Science looking for the God particle? How can we allow this blasphemy? I for one am growing very tired of those "elitist" scientists thinking they can impose their left wing, anti Christian agenda on America.
We Teabaggers know that these "theories" like Evolution and Global Climate change are just hoaxes made up by scientists to impose godless socialism. Just like these "laws" of particle physics are their attempt to impose atheism.
Scientific laws should be subject to interpretation by the courts just like other laws. People should get to vote on the laws we want to allow to govern our universe. This is too important to leave under the control of educators and scientists alone.
Sincerely,
Texas Bored of Edukashun
lol
299,792,458 m / s.. it's not just a good idea, it's the law!
Yeah! Make pi = 3! Who needs those pesky decimals?
This thinking could have grave consequences that could be averted by repealing the law of gravity.
On gravity: I think there is too much waste of it. We should think of the future generations and work towards its conservation...
I love the LHC, this is one of the most interesting scientific projects in years.
I am not a physicist by any means but i can wrap my head around the basics and find this increasingly interesting to watch.
They may find the Higgs Boson particle or maybe something even more amazing. At a time when we are having a problem exploring the larger universe it only makes sense to continue to explore the smaller universe down to its smallest quantifiable bits to learn what it is.
Higgs is still waiting for his boson
dog particle discovered.......? ......shut the dang thing down, quick!
Please stop calling it the God Particle! Or else the religious crazies are going to come and blow it up. Did you not see Jake Busey in 'Contact?"
I think most of the US right wing crazies couldn't find Europe on a map. And they lack a passport.
Fortunately they are now refusing to be counted on the census and will hopefully lose representation.
Wonder what we'd get if we crashed Palin and Boehner together? Maybe Glenn and Rush?
Less complex that that. Maybe Marvin the Marian and Howard the Duck.
LOL
It isn't the "god particle". It is the Higgs Boson and it is thought to give other particles their mass.
So when are we going to perfect vectored anti-gravity? Something we can use!
Yeah! I want my flying car!
Understanding gravity is required first and dark matter or anti-matter might be a key to that understanding. Anti-matter will be one of the forces they are looking for with the collider.
Q: Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex?
A: Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.
Just think, you have the Republicans to blame for us not having this collider.
The United States was building a larger version of this collider in Texas and when the GOP took over Congress they canceled it .
A friend of mine was a project manager working of building a tunnel to house it. He was setting up a production process to make the concrete tiles to line the tunnel. Guess what they're using the production process for now........making railroad ties. And we wonder why the US is losing its place in industry.
They get the Large Hadron Collider and we get a failing (if not failed) NASA program and The Creationist Museum. We got cheated y'all!!! AGAIN!!!
call me dyslexic, doc, but I read your headline as the Large Hardon Collider
Mass was about to begin when Higgs boson walked in.
"I can't serve you mass," said the priest.
"You can't have mass without me," said the Higgs boson.
Ad Hoc, you are no Adlib :)
The Large Hadron Collider is finally operational, and I'm happy it didn't destroy the planet, but I can't believe how it made Ricky Martin gay.
That's how it's done, gang.
They laughed when I picked Hadron in my Large Collider Fantasy League. WHO’S LAUGHING NOW?!?!
Not bad DJ... I almost laughed out loud.
I just want to say 'thanks' to my friend rumplestiltskin for giving me the link to the Dr's funny article, and to the folks at this blog for being so receptive and excited about what we've done! We physicists at CERN (and elsewhere) are not often reminded that people do, in fact, get pumped up about this stuff, too. Cheers.
Holy effing shit! Are you really from CERN? I guess the LHC will be upgraded in 2012 then, and we can expect 14 TeV collisions in 2013?
Yes, I'm working on the ATLAS detector for the LHC. The plan is to try to repair the dipole magnets, and to get them up to speed for 14 TeV collisions, during 2012. I think they're forecasting a year of work, but who knows...?
Particle physicist or engineer?
Particle physics 3rd year graduate student working toward my PhD on the ATLAS experiment, one of the all-purpose particle detectors along the LHC. My work focuses on searches for new physics with the early LHC data, but I'd be happy to answer anyone's questions about life as a physics student, life in "Switzerfrance," the LHC and its physics goals, or anything else people are interested in.
Fuck yeah! I have very little / basic understanding of all this. But still... fuck yeah!
The collisions we're talking about are the first of their kind. The research happening here at CERN will bring particle physics to a new regime, and many exciting discoveries are anticipated here with the new LHC data. Basically, this task is incredibly difficult, and involved upwards of 5-8 thousand people's devotion over the last 15-20 years. This a truly remarkable accomplishment, but it's really only just in the past few days getting exciting.
A little off topic, but do you have any idea about what cool new technologies will eventually come from the "new regime of particle physics"?
Nope, no idea. That's the beautiful part, though. Roentgen really didn't know what cool technologies would come from his accidental discovery of x-rays...
I think the medical community is the most likely to benefit in the near future. Antimatter is being used more and more for radiation therapy.
I believe it's all a big prank that will culminate today - they will announce they "found" Higgs Boson, all of the world will believe it and it will be the best April Fools prank ever!
And then they'll say "Just kidding, we made quantum physics up."
Psssh. I did the same thing last night when I put my toaster in the microwave and turned them both on.
Could anyone explain what the Higgs Boson is, in very simplified terms? I googled it and read the Wikipedia page, but I'm still a little confused.
Here's my layman's understanding of it: It is the Higgs field interaction with certain particles that causes them to appear to have mass. The logic appears circular because interacting with the Higgs field is the definition of having mass (according to the standard model).
The Higgs boson is the quantum unit of the Higgs field. They are really one and the same, but when the Higgs field acts on the vacuum state, which is represented by the expression H|0> (in Dirac notation), Higgs bosons are produced.
Right. and the Higgs boson gets/has mass because it interacts with itself
If you have a sense of humor, Xfactor, go back and read more of doc's blogs & our comments. I think you'll find that all but a handful of us nearly rode the short bus to school. If I worked at the LHC I would just collide everything I could imagine...bears, skittles, quarters... you name it!
We do that.
But, GOD, do I miss Skittles.
can you help me build a pine wood derby car?
I need to get my Princess Leia costume out first.
Yay! Xfocus has a sense of humor. Welcome to the club.
I feel stupid. Could you give an example of something you know nothing about that some of us probably will?
I'm kind of freaking out right now because I don't know what tax forms I need to file this year.
Also, I can't do SHIT about it if my car stops working. I find this incredibly embarrassing.
I was hoping it would be something like tie your shows or make toast...
edit: I mean tie your shoes
I have no clue how to tie my shows
ROTFLMFAO!!! Dude, you're funny, and smart. I hate you :)
What do you think about how the media portrays the LHC? Is there any truth to the risks of black holes or world end that American media has been warning us about?
The black hole discussion is a valid one, but not the way the media has taken hold of it.
The problem is that the public doesn't really understand probability. Yes, there's a chance, but the probability of black hole production is effectively negligible. The cook that tried to take the LHC and RHIC to court (Walter whats-his-name, from Hawaii) was basing his argument off of a ludicrous concept that there's a 0.5 probability of producing a black hole.
Furthermore, even if a BH is produced, we think it will be tiny enough that all its energy would be instantaneously radiated away. This kind of even would basically light up our detector like a Christmas tree. It'd be really interesting, but not much more, as I understand it.
Where did you go to school? How did you get involved with LHC?
I studied as an undergrad at the University of Oklahoma. After my junior year, I was accepted to a program hosted by the University of Michigan which sends ~15 American students to work at CERN for 2 months in the summer. I had a great time with this, so I applied to several graduate programs I knew were involved with ATLAS and the LHC.
...and one gave me a spot. It's a lot less elegant than one might think.
Did you have to fight for a place to study at the LHC?
I'm studying at a university which is fairly prominent in the experiment. I'm sure they've been working to make a name for themselves since the start of it all (~1990), but all I really had to do was get in to their graduate program. Once I completed the coursework and my preliminary exam, it was a fairly smooth transition to working full-time on LHC physics.
But I consider myself pretty fortunate. It's really exhilarating to be here doing what I'm doing.
I think I saw a Higgs Boson! What do I win?
What do you think about string theory?
What do you think about string cheese?
I'm just waiting for them to find Schrödinger's cat.
The cat is in the box. Is it dead or alive or both?
Makes a difference, ya know. Two of the scenarios will require cleaning the quantum litter box.
Schrodinger's Kitty Litter. For that special time when your cat both IS and ISN'T defecating.
according to quantum mechanics it is both .
define "box"
Didn't we do this in Angels and Demons?
I thought we did this with Katie Couric's colon.
call me cynical, but no better place to start the big black hole than the french/swiss border.
We already DO call you cynical, Larry.
Man arrested at Large Hadron Collider claims he's from the future
http://crave.cnet.co.uk/gadgets/0,39029552,49305387,00.htm
Happy April Fools Day to you too LOL
I hate the internet on April 1.
I know. How badly did we all want this to be real?
Some guy telling the world he's from the future and starting a cult. If I had only thought of it first... maybe if there were some way I could go back in time...
He looks familiar. I know him from the Mars colony. He is a technician there for energy manipulators.
Damnit, keep your time-traveling hijinks to yourself.
Some of us like to be surprised when we first land on Mars on February 18, 2023.
Definitely. I really just wanted there to be a crazy guy running around CERN talking about "communist chocolate hellholes." I even kind of want this whole "LHC fear" phenomenon to turn into a crazy, far-reaching shared psychosis, because it would be interesting to watch. Or shit, if we're just talking about wish fulfillment, I want there to actually be people from the future coming back in time to try and shut this thing down on a regular basis; shit, I WANT the unfounded fears to be true.
As long as we are doing wish fulfillment I would love if in addition to fake time travelers, real time travelers and mass shared psychosis we also get visits from various civilizations who observe that we have the LHC and begin to interact with us. Also some interesting and completely unexpected results from the LHC would be nice as well.
As long as we are doing wish fulfillment I want a chocolate kitty!
.....Oh wait, does it have to be related to the LHC?
At the very least, I just wish the news story was real and that crazy guy was the one pulling an April Fools prank.
Like those people that keep going back to kill Hitler, immediately followed by people killing them to fix the timeline?
I would rather have Doctor Who be real.
Shhhh
I didn't realize it was a joke until the last paragraph
I stopped at "He explained that he was looking for fuel for his 'time machine power unit', a device that resembled a kitchen blender.", was he with Marty McFly?
I'm surprised you got past "Mountain Dew."
That's the part that got me. I thought it might be an April Fools Day article just from the headline but was hopeful that it was true until that line.
And the Kit-Kats for all was a reference to Seinfeld when George was pissed about getting his Kit-Kat stolen at a car dealership.
It wasn't a Kit-Kat. It was Twix. The only one with the cookie center!!
I thought there might have actually been a prankster walking around CERN in tweed carrying a blender, claiming he's from the future. It sounds hilarious, if you dont mind getting arrested.
Me too, everything in the story was plausible (in that some crazy/silly guy would do this) until the last paragraph.
I was gullible enough to think it was true until I read:
"Countries do not exist where I am from. The discovery of the Higgs boson led to limitless power, the elimination of poverty and Kit-Kats for everyone. It is a communist chocolate hellhole and I'm here to stop it ever happening."
Then I was cursing. I knew this was obviously way too coherent, and purposefully funny, to be true. So yeah, I echo the feelings of the commenter (t2tim215) who said "I hate the internet on April 1st."
Yeah. At that point, my two options were that it was fake, or that he actually said that and was totally insane. Then I remembered that the news generally doesn't quote criminals who are totally fucking loony for their stories.
So yeah. Not actually fooled, just wishing for it to be true.
It's the only day of the year I don't believe the Internet.
I love it. This is the only day when any news outlet can be just like FOX.
I think The Onion should report actual news on April 1st.
So when people open an Onion article posted on April 1st, they'll spend all their time trying to figure out what is satirical about it. Brilliant!
Mmmm The Onion with DiGiorno pizza
I think they should do a few one year long investigative pieces that are hard hitting and unflinching looks at corruption. Every year people can worry who the Onion is going to fuck up next.
The satire would be that REAL news outlets should be that way, but it takes a fake newspaper to show them REAL journalism.
"Countries do not exist where I am from. The discovery of the Higgs boson led to limitless power, the elimination of poverty and Kit-Kats for everyone. It is a communist chocolate hellhole and I'm here to stop it ever happening."
Godspeed my friend.
"communist chocolate hellhole"
3 words I never envisioned seeing together.
Sounds like a Chinese porno
I guess he's an anti-communist trying to stop communist heaven from happening. I will have to stop him from stopping communist utopia from coming.
Such a world would blow the teapartiers minds. They would get to sit on their asses all day eating candy, which they would love, but minorities would too, which means it's communism and inherently evil. What would they do?
And I bet it's candies for breakfast, lunch, and dinner too!
'Mr Cole was taken to a secure mental health facility in Geneva but later disappeared from his cell. Police are baffled, but not that bothered.'
I loled!
Gotta love a '12 monkeys' reference.
My thoughts exactly. :D
"Mr Cole, who was wearing a bow tie and rather too much tweed for his age" sounds like the new guy on Doctor Who
The kitchen blender fuel generator reference is from 'back to the future'
His first name (Eloi) is from "The Time Machine"... Dunno how much more blatant you can get.
Cole is from '12 Monkeys' as well, which is of course about a guy (Bruce Willis) who travels back in time to save the future.
Cole is from '12 Monkeys' as well, which is of course about a guy (Bruce Willis) who travels back in time to TRY TO save the future THAT HE CAUSED AFTER ALL.
Fixed that for you
Yeah well I didn't really feel like spoiling the whole movie, and (Spoilers:)
He didn't cause it, he just failed to stop it over and over again. The other dude started it.
OMG SPOILERS AAAAAHHHH
The movie has been out 15 fucking years, if you haven't seen it by now, you don't deserve 'spoiler warnings'
Let's be fair about this: The Onion and doc just behave as if every day is April Fool's Day.
Sometimes I wish things like this would actually happen on April 1st and then everybody is like haha april fools, and then the guy goes back to his time in the future and they are all like, "did they heed your warnings" and he'll say "no they just kept saying something about April's court jester"
Little do they know there IS NO April fools' day in the future.
In Soviet Future, April fools you.
As opposed to us fooling April, right?
Who's April?
Your mom
(Your mom)...... had sex with April.
His mom is April? Which Ninja Turtle is the father?
Splinter
dirty old ass rat
There is going to be an accident at the LHC facility, and I will-be-was caught in the effect. I am now being trapped in a temporal hysteresis loop and I hope to escape some time in the past. In the meantime I will answer your questions. Not only are you about to AMA but I will, in fact, be answering your questions before you ask them. Since it will appear that I am answering your questions before you have asked them, please wait until you see the answer that you were hoping for before submitting your question.
This is brilliant, Xfactor. I am in a small, quiet philosophy class right now, and I can barely keep myself from laughing out loud.
did anyone spot a blue police box anywhere around?
What about the guy who was arrested at the LHC claiming to be from the PAST?
The Higgs Bosun was found in 1963 near Area 51 but accidentally thrown away by the cleaning woman.
Real time travelers don't get caught.
This Easter season, my wish is that everyone who works for the Post Office and the DMV get explosive diarrhea. Peace be with you guys, til the next blog by doc (do NOT hold your breath).
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