Tea Party Presidential candidate Michele Bachmann has once again proved she’s “factually challenged,” this time by confusing the beloved American cowboy actor, John Wayne, with the not-so-beloved psychotic serial killer, John Wayne Gacy, a man who had a slightly lighter touch when applying make up than she does. Which public figures is Bachmann most likely to mix-up next? Here are the latest Vegas odds:
Ron Paul and RuPaul
Odds 1:1
Booker T. Washington and Booker T. and the MG’s
Odds 1:1
Joyce Carol Oates and Hall & Oates
Odds 1:1
Millard Fillmore and Mallard T. Fillmore
Odds 1:1
Stephanopoulos and Snuffleupagus
Odds 1:1
Jerry Garcia and Cherry Garcia
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199 comments:
Bachmann wants to raise taxes on poor people to ease the burden on the rich.
Lol?
Michele Bachmann's "heavy pill use" for crippling migraine headaches is "potentially disqualifying." - Bachmann staffers
http://tinyurl.com/3sshnca
PS: Outstanding blog doc.
They're "leaking" this because a poll out today shows Bachmann ahead of Mitt Romney by 1 point. Clearly, the establishment Republicans are scared that this batshit insane woman will actually win the whole thing.
What's more, it could be reasonably assumed that Bachmann's support comes primarily from fundamentalists and social conservatives, whereas Romney's is concentrated with the fiscal conservatives. The problem inherent in this, however, is that, out of the first 3 states, 2 of them, Iowa and South Carolina, pander to the social conservative branch of the party, and Iowa happens to be first in the nation. Romney winning New Hampshire would immediately be dulled once the social conservative wing coalesces around the winner of the Iowa caucuses, and from there, he's just going to go on fighting against inevitability the way he and Hillary did in 2008 (although Hillary doing so benefited Obama in the long run since it introduced a competitive race to otherwise boring primary states. This was probably the only reason why Obama managed to eke out a win in Indiana, for instance).
Republicans inspire the love of the stupid and insane, demonize education and intellect, and now are scared that Bachmann is ahead, Oh Wise One?
If she's top of the ticket for the Republicans it has ramifications on downballot races.
She's a major turnoff to the moderates that any Republican needs in order to win key Senate races and such.
If she's the candidate, for instance, moderate Republicans would consider sitting out the election in places like Massachusetts, where Republican Scott Brown is theoretically vulnerable representing one of the most liberal states in the country.
There's also no real reason why she would play well in the electorate either. She probably can't win her own state or any of the Midwest.
The South is solidly hers, and she can probably peel North Carolina back and Indiana from Obama, but Obama has a fighting chance of keeping Florida, and his strategy may be to offset his losses by taking the Dakotas and Montana, which nearly swung blue last time around and wouldn't cost much to set up an apparatus for.
(I made paragraphs this time so keebiejeebie wouldn't freak out)
Maybe the migraines point to some mental issues/brain damage, which could explain the bat-shit crazy.
I think she comes by her batshit crazy naturally.
Maybe if she didn't marry a gay man...
Sometimes you gotta take some pills to take away the pain of having a gay husband who hates gays.
Pills? That's silly. What Bachmann really needs is a faith healer.
I'm sure Jesus can make the migraines go away. Assuming, of course, that the migraines aren't a punishment from God.
Hey, if an all-powerful deity was jabbering away inside my head all day, I'd be slamming them back like candy too.
She doesn't have migraines. She suffers from "fact intolerance".
When her brain encounters a "fact", it immediately rejects it-- much in the same way a transplanted organ wants to flee its new body.
Her headaches are really just bits of her inner-brain trying to get away from all the stupid.
She needs to try cannabis.
or mushrooms.
I have to take a pill every time I hear her speak.
I usually just take a mallet to the head.
Probably cheaper. I'd be concerned about the side-effects of repeated use.
...worth it.
In that case, I'm going to need a bigger mallet.
If she runs on the abusing-prescription-drugs platform she will probably do quite well with rural white voters.
these headaches certainly are not caused by her "thinking too hard" about anything..
A paranoid pill-popper married to a government-subsidized closet case. This is the best the Teabaggers can come up with?
Apparently the denial she lives in is literally killing her.
Every time she says something stupid, she gets a headache.
(She gets a LOT of headaches.)
Her frequent stress-induced migranes which can "incapacitate" her for days.
So it's good that she's running for a cakewalk position like the presidency.
Good to know. Glad that she's alerted us to her inability to handle saying her lines and not really up to the job she's got, nor the job that she's trying to gear up for.
Aaaaannndd, now we have her excuse for dropping out in a couple weeks.
Psst...Michele, when you run for president, people actually fact check your shit. Sorry you had to fake headaches to make up for the fact you were unprepared to deal in reality.
Considering who she's married to, she's probably got years worth of stress that needs relieving.
Isn't that the kind of thing she should be able to pray away?
Lol. And we have a winner, folks.
Those aren't actual migraines. That's the crazy trying to escape her head.
I think it's the opposite ... I think it's the sanity bubbling to the surface trying to break through the hard shell of religious brainwashing and indoctrination.
No wonder her husband has to go to men for sex, Bachmann always has a headache.
Those aren't migraines. They are divinely inspired Freedom Headaches.
Proof that stupid does, in fact, hurt?
Marcus Bachmann - "I would have slept with my wife, but she had a headache."
Honestly I sympathize with her migraines, I get them from time to time and they can take me right out of action for a day or more.
That being said, if there were a just God in this universe, her migraines would be exclusively triggered by stating bald-faced lies on national television.
Migraine often associated with psychiatric disorders:
http://www.reuters.com/article/2008/05/02/us-migraine-psychiatric-idUSCOL26120620080502
Since she's batshit crazy, it fits.
She's someone who should be incapacitated. There is a God, and he wants her to STFU.
She's got the vapors because her husband won't schtupp her.
When asked about the migraines, Bachmann said:
"Well a very, very heavay a heavy drit, burtation tonight-we had a very dairse Darrison...but let's go ahead tearis tasin losh clabitte behend the pet."
'She's got the vapors because her husband won't schtupp her.' - yemaya
Well in his defense, she doesn't have a penis. You don't expect him to touch an icky vagina do you?
I'm surprised she doesn't call them "mind grains".
Man you guys are just going to town in here. I'll leave you boys to it, don't want to interrupt. Do you need any more lotion, or some towels?
We're not at your mom's house.
Jesus, I thought we'd lost him. Hey, awake and sing, why don't you go and blow Michele's husband?
At least she is white, right libs?
That didn't even make any sense. If you're going to troll here, troll better, not harder.
If there's one thing I learned from President Obama's campaign, election, and presidency, it's this:
Bigots like 'awake and sing' CANNOT be satisfied.
There isn't a more thoughtful, middle-of-the-road, compromising, careful, less threatening, ambitious, intelligent black man on the face of the Earth, and mutherfuckers like 'awake and sing' STILL only just see another nigger.
Die in a fucking fire, you nazi.
"At least she is white, right libs?"
Stupid doesn't have a color.
Can we entirely rule out demonic possession? Perhaps an imp has taken up residence in her brain and she needs exorcism?
I'm going to go with the idea that her brain is just trying to save itself. There's so much stuck in that little brain that conflicts with reality, it's gotta be suffering. Every once in a while it just has to shut down due to overload.
I think Palin is sticking pins in her Bachmann doll and stomping on its head with her heels.
She's got the vapors because her husband won't schtupp her.
Unless she dresses like a young boy.
If I were a woman who believed that "God" personally wanted me to marry a closeted homosexual man that I wasn't remotely attracted to, and be completely subservient and obedient to his every whim, including a career path as an IRS Lawyer that I had absolutely calling for ... I might have an inexpiable pain in my head on a regular basis too.
Frankly, she reminds me of Annette Bening in American Beauty. Wouldn't be surprised if she uses "migranes" as an excuse to hide in her room with the blinds drawn and slaps herself silly as she cries. Heaven knows what sort of repressed emotions and unattended to human needs are lurking that creepy trademarked Republican Female Smile (ie: see Laura Bush and Newt's wife).
I thought liberals all believed that disabled people are just as good as normal people. Better, even. and deserving of special government assistance not available to ordinary folks. So why aren't you cheering Bachmann on to "overcome her disability?" Oh. I guess it's only LIBERALS with disabilities who are special. My bad.
That is correct. Conservatives with disabilities are just retards.
Michele Bachmann is the LensCrafters of crazy
Oh that reminds me, I need to make an eye appointment to update my prescriptions.
I dunno, I always associate Palin with LensCrafters.
There's speculation that this migraine business was leaked by either Romney or Pawlenty.
I wonder if the Republican elites are worried a crazy will win and are trying to sabotage her. Then when she goes down in flames they can blame liberals for it - a twofer!
It did seem insidious---who would have had both the desire and access to leak privileged health information on a rising star candidate? And we aren't even to South Carolina "McCain had a Black Baby out of Wedlock" levels yet.
I first suspected the News of the World, but apparently it doesn't exist any more.
Pawlenty? Really? The guy who can't spin his way out of a wet paper bag? You give that guy way too much credit.
I kinda hope this came from Pawlenty, watching one Minnesota crazy go after another would be epic.
Hang on a minute people. Everyone here seems to have ADHD, or something because the third comment, by Wumpie (who added, "Outstanding blog, doc") got everyone on a Bachmann-Migraine Overdrive.
What the fuck was doc referring to when he said Bachmann confused John Wayne the actor with John Wayne Gacy the serial killer? I know she's batshit crazy and all, but ... huh?
Mrs. Bachmann grew up in Waterloo, and used the town as the backdrop for her campaign announcement, where she told Fox News: "Well what I want them to know is just like, John Wayne was from Waterloo, Iowa. That's the kind of spirit that I have, too."
John Wayne, the movie legend, is in fact from Iowa and the John Wayne birthplace is a celebrated landmark - only it's in Winterset, which is a nearly three hour drive away from Waterloo.
Gacy, though, had his first taste of the criminal life in Waterloo, where he lived for a short time, and where he had his first criminal conviction for an attempted homosexual assault, which landed him in prison for 18 months.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PsLfL9vMaUY
Seriously? OMG! This is right up there with Concord and Lexington being in New Hampshire.
This was not a mistake, it was just an inadvertent window into the reason why she wants to become the President of the United States... she wants to rape and murder the country, then bury it under her house.
She was probably thinking about the time that John Wayne was riding his horse through Waterloo ringing those bells and warning the citizens about serial killers.
LOL Hard to tell Palin and Bachmann apart. Both right-wing crazies.
John Wayne was a draft dodging actor who firmly supported the Hollywood black list.
But he SEEMED like an American hero, so idiots like Michele Bachmann will continue to talk about what a "Great American" he was, because they can't tell the difference between reality and fiction.
The fact that she would use John Wayne as an idol at all says more about her than the fact that she fucked up where he lived with where John Wayne Gacy lived.
I like John Wayne the actor, but you are absolutely correct about John Wayne, the person.
I get irate when people talk about what a "Good, patriotic American" John Wayne was, when he did everything he could to avoid service in WW2, and then waxed lyrical about how great the Vietnam war was.
But he played a war hero on the teevee machine, so therefore, he is one.
Such a great Christian. She claims she never got a penny from the farm subsidies (but in fact got over 100k/y some years), and she brags that she raised 23 kids at once (but the truth is that 3 at a time is all they had), and had to buy groceries for them .... 10 yrs after they had quit being foster parents??? (she made 60 k/yr doing that)
I guess you could say that this is Michele Bachmann's Waterloo?
When Michele Bachmann fucked up the difference between NH and MA, she could have made a joke about how small the states in New England are, she could have joked about how she saw so many Dunkin Donunts and Red Sox shirts that she got confused, she could have simply said "Oh. I was mistaken."
Instead, she said that Massachusetts wasn't PROUD of starting the Revolutionary War, because she's an evil cunt who will ALWAYS put her party over her country.
Does anyone think she's doing this to distract from the lies she told on Face The Nation the other day?
What, the one about Obama releasing 108% of the strategic petroleum reserve?
I do enjoy the fact that she said that to cover up for the fact that she said Obama had allowed up until that point one drilling permit, when in reality it was 272 at the time, and over 300 now.
She's surging in the polls. I now hope Sarah Hussein Palin joins the race so that they can eat each other.
IN MAJOR GAFFE, BACHMANN CONFUSES ASS, HOLE IN GROUND: Misspeaks about Grand Canyon
ARIZONA – In a fledgling campaign that has already produced more than its share of gaffes, Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minn) today confused her ass with a hole in the ground during a campaign swing through Arizona.
Speaking to a group of supporters in Phoenix, Rep. Bachmann raised eyebrows when she said, "It's great to be here in Arizona, the home of my ass."
After her comment was greeted with confused murmurs from the crowd, Rep. Bachmann quickly added, "Oh wait, did I say my ass? I meant the Grand Canyon."
Being unable to tell her ass from a hole in the ground, especially a prominent one such as the Grand Canyon, is only one of many challenges facing Rep. Bachmann in her quest for the Presidency, according to political science professor Lamont Cranston of the University of Arizona.
"Michele Bachmann is a staunch believer in the theory of Intelligent Design," he said. "However, Intelligent Design cannot explain Michele Bachmann."
But Dr. Cranston added that Rep. Bachmann remains an attractive candidate, especially for those Republican voters who find former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin "too cerebral."
"When Sarah Palin looks at Michele Bachmann, she must feel the way the Jonas Brothers feel about Justin Bieber," he said.
In other political news, GOP presidential candidate Newt Gingrich said today that "marriage must be defined as the union between a man, a woman, and the man's staff member at the time."
ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!
Brilliant! Let's get back to what should be the topic: Bachmann's batshit crazy bullshit. LOL!
Thanks for that doc. I guess we sort of do have ADHD around here. Inspired by your blog, we start out funny, ie: BeltwayBandit's first comment, "Bachmann wants to raise taxes on poor people to ease the burden on the rich," and then starting with Wumpie's next comment we chase Bachmann's migraines like squirrels and get all serious. Gretchen30 pointed our ADHD out, but still it persists. Your miniblog is brilliant. We are not worthy :)
Yes! We should be commenting on Bachmann saying stupid things! Good thing she home-schools her 28 children! Yes, 28! All learning the ways of the world from a master!
Comparing herself to the "Killer Clown" who raped and murdered 33 teenage boys in the 70s is a major gaffe, on that we are all agreed, correct? Show of hands...
Bachmann: "The very founders that wrote those documents worked tirelessly until slavery was no more in the United States."
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/nov05election/detail?entry_id=81734
Yes yes, our founding fathers fought a vigorous fight against slavery. But just to be sure, let's just crunch some numbers here:
By the time slavery was abolished, known slave-owner/founding father Thomas Jefferson had been dead for 39 years, and known slave-owner/founding father George Washington had been dead for 66.
That can't be right.
Oh wait, the founding father she specified was John Quincy Adams. That's fair. He was in fact nine years old when the Declaration of Independence was signed and was clearly a major player. Silly us.
Someone's already referred to this (I'm too lazy to scroll back thru all the comments to say who), but in a speech in New Hampshire, she announced she was in the "state where the shot was heard round the world at Lexington and Concord."
Remember that history lesson you had in 5th grade (or 6th...or 7th...or, oh fuck it, you had it every year in middle school) about the shots at Lexington and Concord? That was a great lesson, right? It evoked the spirit of the American Revolution. It's like you could feel yourself fighting for our freedom on the Massachusetts soil! Key word being "Massachusetts." Not New Hampshire, you fucking twit.
She once claimed that Franklin Roosevelt turned a recession into a depression through the "Hoot-Smalley" tariffs.
Listen, lets not pretend that we know what the Hoot-Smalley Tariff is. And that is because it does not exist.
It's the Hoot-Smalley Bill, not tariff, co-authored by Republicans Sen. Reed Smoot of Utah and Rep. Willis Hawley of Oregon, and signed into law by President Herbert Hoover.
The best part about homeschooling her kids is that at the parent-teacher meetings she can justify all the words she makes up.
That Hoot-Smalley speech also happened on the same day as when Bachmann connected the 1970s swine flu outbreak to Democrat Jimmy Carter being president, even though it was actually Gerald Ford in office at the time. Ha ha, what a silly coont!
BREAKING: Sarah Palin has announced that she has yet to decide if she will run in 2008.
Lol
Tom Petty told Bachmann to stop using his song 'American Girl' - she didn't even think to ask for permission first, what a ninny!
You know, I've been trying really hard not to use the word "retarded" to describe Bachmann and the kind of people who think that she's just wonderful. Help me with this somebody. What's another word I can use that won't offend people whose mental handicaps are not of their own making?
I'm looking for a word that describes a kind of self-inflicted condition in which large portions of the brain are rendered completely inert.
It does seem to resemble the effects of asphyxiation. Could it be that Bachmann has been trying to avail herself of the healthful effects of carbon dioxide in large doses?
How about "cognitively challenged"?
Of course "ignorant Republican asshat" works well too - I guess which one you choose depends on your audience.
You all, it is far more simpler and deeply pathological.
Bachmann exhibits total mythology, the idea that the past can be changed to fit her own pathological delusions. It was what was done in Europe before WWII, the growth of this mythology then was not challenged by the depth of knowledge and dissent as it is today but Bachmann (and Palin) still try it.
They believe their ideology is correct regardless of the outcomes, that doesn't matter because they must be right. Forget the idea that laissez faire economics and the Mellon response to the crash of 29. The only way to believe that this was correct is to change history and find those willing to hear it.
Now I have loony tunes GOP acquaintances who do this----when confronted they get serious cognitive dissonance and then attack----it is pathological.
When I said earlier that Michele Bachmann is the LensCrafters of crazy, maybe not everyone knew why. It's because Bachmann got confused on the campaign trail and called LensCrafters "the Planned Parenthood of eyewear." What a silly goose!
Speaking of LensCrafters, Sarah Palin's new film opened in Iowa in June. It's her first film since 1994's "Dumb & Dumber."
Sarah Palin quit her bus tour 'vacation' halfway through so she could spend her time learning even less about Paul Revere.
On June 17, 1930, the Smoot-Hawley Act (not bill, not tariff) became law, making it illegal to smoot one's hawley in public.
LMAO You made me use Google, and you have the date right, anyway :)
I'm not clear on why everyone thinks she's such a freak, as Republicans go. She's fully internalized the anti-objectivism at the core of the modern Republican Party's ideology and it has made are a leading Party orator. Indeed, she is, in every way, the perfect Republican. I'll be really surprised if she doesn't give Sarah a run for her money for the 2012 GOP nomination.
The thing is, very few of the real Republicans actually believe this partisan crap. They just peddle it to their brain-dead supporters for effect. Anyone actually stupid enough to believe this would need help tying their shoes.
Before Michele Bachmann went to Oral Roberts and majored in TheoCon Stupidity, she was a Democrat who worked in the Twin Cities office for Jimmy Carter's 1976 Presidential Campaign. Now, I don't mean to suggest that she had any greater level of rational intelligence in her formidable political youth, but that trip down to Tulsa and her marriage to Marcus "I Can Cure The Gay" Bachmann sent her straight over the friggin' edge.
Is that "Hoot-Smalley" as in Stuart "I'm good enough. I'm smart enough. And doggone it, people like me." Smalley?
I guess in Bachmann-world, Al Franken shares with FDR the power to enact legislation years before he's in office. Cool!
Bachmann recently hired a third press-related secretary.
She's got one serving in her district, one serving her DC office and a third that lines her up for national media appearances.
With that many media "experts" on her side, you'd think maybe one or two might give her some advice about not saying shit that would blow up in her face, but apparently the DC and MN-06 press people are only there to send out the obligatory "that's not what she meant to say," or "the media has misconstrued her words" bulletins after the fact.
There it is, folks. THE WORST JOB IN THE WORLD!
Can you just imagine the private conversations between Bachmann media staffers? Especially, after she has yet another "Oops, I did it again!" moment? Which seems to be daily?
L, as these kids today say, OL.
A good part of the reason that she's now in the U.S. House and able to spout off through a huge megaphone is that her insanity didn't get the attention it should have gotten while she was in the MN legislature. If more people knew just how much of a loon she is, she might not have made it this far.
Bush was below a lot of people's radar, too, and look where he ended up (shudder).
The thing about Bachmann that I can't understand is "where in the hell is her staff?". Don't any of them know how to use Wikipedia? Shouldn't they be doing some fact checking for her? Isn't that what they get paid to do?
I'm starting to worry that her brand of "stupid" and/or "crazy" might just be contagious. Maybe her whole staff has caught it.
Hey, all Gingrich's staff bailed on him, no doubt suspecting that his brand of reality wasn't theirs... cognitive dissonance 1, Newt 0.
Why are we wasting web space and energy on a nickle whore? Yes, Bachmann is entertaining in a pole dance kind of way.
However, we have serious problems in this country, and the last thing any of us need to be doing is wasting time on a two bit whore.
Granted, she has become the mouthpiece of a fringe party that celebrates slavery and the Confederacy.
The failure of the RNC to take her to the local vet and have her put down is their failure. Good for them.
But, let us get on to the business of sane adults. We should leave this whore alone and address serious issues/people.
Because this is doc's satirical humor blog. Because we need to laugh. Laughter is good.
So it's not a total waste of time.
And it's not like she's developmentally disabled.
Right? Seriously; she's not really developmentally disabled, is she? What, she is? Is she? What?
A little knowledge is a dangerous thing. This woman is an idiot pure and simple. Hoot-Smalley, indeed! If this were a Sat Night Live skit, no one would believe it.
It's that kooky look in her eyes.
What an idiot. Roosevelt saved this country. He wasn't even in office until 1933! Four years after the Great Depression started, and that Smoot-Hawley Act was created and passed by a Republican House and Senate, and signed by Republican President Hoover!
What a bunch of friggin' lies. Basically every single word that came out of her mouth wasn't even true, from the recession Coolidge "fixed" (he wasn't in office either then, it was Harding!) to the whole thing with the Smoot-Hawley Act. Jeez.
These repub candidate people are either crazy, stupid, dain bramaged, lying, smoking something, or all of the above and more.
I found ANOTHER inaccuracy in Bachmann's crazy talk:
She said that Coolidge dealt with a recession in the early 1920s.... Well... Warren G Harding was President in the early 20s, and there were no visible signs of recession by the time Coolidge took office.
So, Bachmann has gotten EVERY single piece of "information" completely wrong. Why am I not surprised?
Finding faults in the opposing party's leaders is not out of the ordinary. You find their weaknesses and you attack. It's an unfortunate, yet necessary, aspect of the two-party system.
Like if you think there's a connection between Swine Flu and having a Democrat in the White House, you may go ahead make that claim because it is an obvious Achilles' heel of the Democrats and it needs to be exploited.
Democrats love giving people diseases and that's been as clear as day since FDR advocated that all Americans be injected with the polio virus.
Bachmann was insane enough to make the connection that before Obama, the last time we saw an outbreak of Swine Flu was during Jimmy Carter's term.
Great catch, Michelle!
Also totally false.
Not that it matters, but it was actually Gerald Ford in office.
Whatever, Democrats love sick people because it's all part of our twisted plan to make sure everyone who needs healthcare gets it. Obviously.
Bachmann would scare the shit out of John Wayne Gacy.
Sanity is no requirement for public office. Minnesota elected Jesse Ventura. Can't make up a more bizarre story. There's just not much to do in MN so people slowly go coo coo. Alaska, too. Also Maine. And South Carolina, California, Connecticut, New Jersey, New Mexico, Arizona....
They're missing a great Bachmann moment when she was found in the bushes watching a gay pride rally. IN THE BUSHES, spying I suppose. You can find the video on youtube. It's hilarious! We in MN know Bachmann is crazy, and most of us can't fathom why the 6th District keeps on voting for her. What we also can't figure out is why so many out-of-state like her... she really is CRAZY, people!
Hey - a newcomer! Welcome, Brian!
Thanks. I was just surfing around for Bachmann and read the blog & comments. You guys are hilarious!
Welcome to doc's blog. Try the veal.
Now I'm not saying that sexism doesn't exist and isn't real, but we can't throw around the word "sexist" just to stop people like me from pointing out that Michele Bachmann, now running second for the Republican presidential nomination, isn't a dangerous nincompoop.
And when I point out that Sarah Palin is a vainglorious braggart, a liar, a whiner, a professional victim, a scold, a know-it-all, a chiseler, a bully who sells patriotism like a pimp, and the leader of a strange family of inbred weirdos straight out of The Hills Have Eyes, that's not sexist. I'm saying it because it's true, not because it's true of a woman.
The "gift" that keeps on giving, much like herpes: Bachmann claims John Quincy Adams was "a Founding Father" and played an active role in the Revolutionary War
It terrifies me that someone this fucking stupid has made it to this level of power in our government, and that there are currently people who support her.
Unfortunately if it comes down to supporting an obviously dangerously crazy idiot or an educated black man, for a large chunk of our society there is no question. They'll back the idiot.
She taps into the "Poor, Persecuted Christian Conservative" vibe. It doesn't matter what she says, no matter how batshiat insane. There are people who believe it, or if not that then other things that are equally as batshiat insane. And so Bachmann and they are being made fun of by the same people, those damn evil liberals that don't respect them for believing and saying stupid things. And since Bachmann seems to be of a mind that lying on the fly about anything, even the easily disproven, is ok and justified as long as it's for a good cause, we are never at a lack of stupid things to mocker her for.
So, they support her. Not so much because they agree with her, but because they hate us even more. The more we laugh at her, the more they support her, because they view her on the same team. I'm sure the racism thing has an effect, but I think the persecution complex has much more to do with it.
Back in June, on GMA. She said she wanted to take back the country from: "...people all across the nation."
Well, Lady, I'm keeping my country, and I'm keeping it far,far away from you!
Every politician talks about "taking back the country" from someone it appears. Yet, the position of CEO still exists at financial institutions.
Michele Bachmann should start lower and run for Mayor of Stepford.
And this is why the bitch will win the Iowa Caucus. I'm a Democrat, but I'm openly rooting for a sane person like Romney or Huntsman to get the GOP nomination. I want Obama to win, but I don't want to see America turn into a Christian Theocracy if he loses.
An audio recording from five years ago has been released of Michele Bachmann predicting the end of the world. Her exact words were, 'I'm going to run for president in 2012'.
LOL and we're back to funny! Awesome blog, doc. I vote we keep up the humor and crack more Michele Bachmann jokes (she's a joke all by herself).
Good idea!
Michele Bachmann suffers from crippling migraine headaches. That's what happens when you don't get a little pornography every now and then.
Lenscrafters is upset with Tea Partier Michele Bachmann because she called Planned Parenthood 'the Lenscrafters of abortion.' Lenscrafters released a statement today calling her 'the Costco of crazy.
Michele Bachmann is kind of like Sarah Palin but without the charisma — or marksmanship. You know, maybe we should stop telling kids that anyone can grow up to be president of the United States.
Michele Bachmann signed a pledge in Iowa recently about protecting marriage, but it also said stuff about black children having it better when they were raised during slavery.
Now her campaign is saying that while, yes, she did sign the pledge, she didn't read it first. And had she read it, she never would have signed it in the first place.
Well, thank God presidents don't have to sign anything so important they have to read it first.
Bachmann said she'd launch her presidential campaign in either Massachusetts or New Hampshire as soon as she figured out which is which.
There could be some eligibility problems for her. She has her birth certificate, but nobody can produce her high school diploma.
Bachmann already threw her hat into the ring, obamamama. We think she's going to be running for president, or maybe just wants her hat back.
For those who find Sarah Palin too intellectual: Michele Bachmann for President. As a wiseass, all I can say is, where can I donate to this cause?
The unemployment rate is now at 9.2%, which is scary because experts say 9.5% is the point at which people are desperate enough to consider voting for Michele Bachmann.
"Tea Party candidate Michele Bachmann said the Revolutionary War started in New Hampshire when it really started in Massachusetts. Interesting that a woman who believes so strongly in states rights can't get her states right." – Jay Leno
I couldn't think of my own joke, but I liked this one because Leno's a republican & for him to bash Bachmann says something about her slim chances of getting the repub nomination.
Bachmann is under fire for saying the Founding Fathers eliminated slavery. Sarah Palin is very upset. Another female Republican trying to steal the dumbass vote.
Good one!
As long as it's OK to steal jokes:
"There were two Republican responses to the State of the Union. So if you watched the whole night, it was kind of evolution in reverse. You have Obama, then Paul Ryan, and then Michele Bachmann. Then Animal Planet had a squirrel monkey give his take." – Bill Maher
We have our own male version of Palin & Bachmann here in Canada, and he's the conservative Prime Minister Stephen Harper (so watch out, Americans, crazy shit can happen). Here's a joke about Harper:
Stephen Harper and a few of his Conservative buddies are taking a stroll when they come upon a little girl carrying a basket with a blanket over it near the Parliament building in Ottawa.
Curious, Prime Minister Stephen Harper asks the girl, 'What's in the basket?'
She replies, 'New baby kittens,' and she opens the basket to show him.
'How nice,' says Harper. 'What kind are they?' The little girl says, 'Conservatives.'
Harper smiles, pats the little girl on the head and continues on.
Three weeks later, Harper is taking another stroll, this time with his wife. They see the little girl again with the same basket. Harper says, 'Watch this, Laureen; it's really cute.' They approach the little girl. He greets the little girl and says 'how are the kittens doing, and she says, 'Fine.' Then, smirking, he nudges Layton with his elbow and asks the little girl, 'And can you tell us what kind of kittens they are?'
She replies, 'Liberals.'
Abashed, Harper says, 'But three weeks ago you said they were Conservatives!'
'I know,' she says. 'But now their eyes are open.'
Q. What's the difference between a dead snake in the road and Michele Bachmann in the road?
A. Skid marks in front of the snake.
Q - What's the difference between Bachmann and a trampoline?
A - You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline.
Q .. What do you call a Bachmann follower with half a brain?
A .. Gifted.
Q. What did the Bachmann fan get on his I.Q. test?
A. Drool.
Q ~ If you drop Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin off a tall building, who will hit the ground first?
A ~ Who cares?
Michele Bachmann: Not racist, but #1 with racists.
Bachmann: Settlement with black farmers would be better used for Missouri River flooding
http://tinyurl.com/3sxf632
'Bachmann has likened the Pigford settlement to “modern-day reparations” for African-Americans'
Except for the fact that this has nothing to do with reparations, because the government was sued and lost in federal court to a bunch of farmers who proved that they were financially harmed by its discrimination and deserved compensation.
This isn't like some kind of charitable donation to blacks simply because they're black. It's money being paid to farmers because it's owed to them.
It's like if Apple computers (I'm picking them because 1/2 their business is based on suing others) sued the government and won a settlement.
Would you see any Republicans pointing out that settlement as some kind of "waste"? Probably not, because as we all know, Republicans are all corporate sellouts that think we should all just work slave wages to make our corporate overlords rich.
Oh, here's the problem:
"Late last year, President Barack Obama signed legislation authorizing ......"
good thing she's not a racist.
If only farmers just weren't so... black.
Bachmann doesn't like black farmers getting subsidies? NO WAY!!!!!
Go on, GOP. Nominate this psycho hose beast in 2012. I DOUBLE DOG DARE YA!!!
*facepalm*
Marcus Bachmann, on the other hand, is rather fond of corn subsidies. Especially those where farmers are not paid to grow any, which, to taxpayers, is just throwing money in a hole in the ground. He never talks about it, though. I wish he'd just be more up-front about his corn-hole interests.
I'm sure awake and sing will be along to tell us the tea party isn't racist at all.
Michelle Bush Bachmann doesn't like black people. - Kanye
Nothing enrages a republican more than black people dipping in to their money trough.
"When money is diverted to inefficient projects, like the Pigford project, where there seems to be proof-positive of fraud, we can't afford $2 billion in potentially fraudulent claims when that money can be used to benefit the people along the Mississippi River and the Missouri River." - Bachmann
'Cause, you know, there is zero potential for fraud in the flooding claims.
Those black farmers should apply for some foster kids. The Bachmanns had hundreds. You can work them for free during the planting and harvest seasons and call it chores.
I loved how she framed it as "reparations" (racist dog whistle regarding slavery) rather than a settlement of charges of discrimination by the government.
She's an evil ass.
Oh and I don't know if Bachmann is a racist or not, but her comment was obviously meant to foment rascism among her base.
Maybe this is like Jerry Seinfeld's defense of why he deserved the upgrade to first class over Elaine: Black farmers never having received farm subsidies won't miss them as much as farmers who are used to getting them and who now find themselves temporarily underwater.
Or she's just an idiot.
I'd go with number two, dhokra.
If she can pray away the gay, maybe she can pray away the black, too. She's just not doing it right.
I like how she criticized the president for not having visited.
Because you know, the whole debt ceiling thing isn't important. He can just jet off and let it sort itself out.
"there seems to be proof-positive"
Proof-positive? Like what? Oh, it just seems that way?
Y'know, your husband seems to be a flaming queen, right? And you seem to have a brain condition causing headaches and insanity, right?
Just asking questions.
It's not like any (well, more than a couple hundred nationwide) blacks were going to vote for her anyways.
"Oh and I don't know if Bachmann is a racist or not, but her comment was obviously meant to foment rascism among her base." -- reepicheep
How do you separate the two? Everything I've heard (or seen her sign) indicates racism. Frankly, I'd rather her be a full-on racist than a smart and cynical woman who sees a way to invigorate her supporters. At least with the former we just know she's ignorant. With the latter we know she's fucking evil.
(I know it's the latter. It almost always is.)
Man, this woman must wake and think to herself, "How can I prove what a conservative I really, really am?"
I guarantee Michelle got a belly laugh out of Rush's "Barack the Magic Negro" song.
Probably not so much a belly laugh as the tingling feeling that her time had come. We had finally gotten to a point in America where there was no longer any need for the filter of basic decency. Maybe she wet herself a little bit.
Whatever gods may be, I beseech you all: please let her get the GOP nomination and become the unrivaled face of the Republican Party.
Do not make the mistake of thinking this woman is not dangerous. She is about as close to Nehemiah Scudder as you can get outside of fiction, and she has consistently won elections she was forecasted to lose by a large margin.
I get the satire and the jokes, this is doc's blog after all, but you discount this woman at your peril.
Who is Nehemiah Scudder?
"If This Goes On—" is a science fiction novel published in 1940 by Robert A. Heinlein.
The novel(again, I stress, written in 1940)shows what might happen to Christianity in the United States given mass communications, applied psychology, and a hysterical populace.
Nehemiah Scudder was a religious demagogue whose followers overthrew the United States government and instituted a theocracy after he was elected President in 2012, with 27 percent of the popular vote (votes were cast by 63 percent of registered voters, who were less than half of those eligible to vote) but 81 percent of the Electoral College votes.
Heinlein wrote this in 19fucking40 and uncannily predicted the evangelical conservative atmosphere leading to the upcoming elections in 2012, don't you think?
Holy Shit! NOW I'm scared! Forget the Mayans, Bachmann and Palin are the female antichrists!
That is a terrifyingly apt comparison, EISENHAUER. Lord help us if this woman pulls off a stunner and wins the election.
Bachmann doesn't like black farmers getting subsidies? NO WAY!!!!!
"Go on, GOP. Nominate this psycho hose beast in 2012. I DOUBLE DOG DARE YA!!!
*facepalm*" - - guitarhero
As a very pissed off Republican I have to say..... I hope she gets the nomination too - and for precisely the same reason you do. I think my party has taken a hard plunge into the derp end of the pool, and the only way that message is going to sink in - and the only way we're ever going to get the party back on the rails - is if we get crushed at the polls for a while. And if we nominate this epic moron she will utterly demolish our electoral chances across the board for 2012. Seriously, I have little doubt that she would lead my party into a truly crushing electoral defeat.
In other words, her fail will likely be so epic that it will actually HELP the Republican party in the long run just by forcing us to face the true depth and breadth of how far the party has fallen.
Has anyone made a running tally of how much government welfare Michele and her husband have received? We know that she got hundreds of thousands for her farms. I'm guessing the government gave her welfare because she took in those countless troubled girls. Did she pay for law school on her own?
I wish we would get rid of the racist, upward wealth distribution, wealthy socialism, land owner welfare that is Farm subsidies. Just cut them all.
Something smells to high heaven that we don't call Republicans out on all the subsidies and tax spending to wealthy land owners and the subsidized and price guaranteed livestock or crop they produce.
It pisses me off to no end when rich land owners get even more money from tax pools.
And while I'm ranting, for those keeping count, Bachmann and Santorum have signed multiple pledges to be faithful to their spouses, oppose same-sex marriage, reject Sharia law (was this a problem here?), reject new taxes, cut and cap federal spending, institute a balanced-budget amendment, appoint antiabortion cabinet officers, and terminate funding to Planned Parenthood and other abortion providers, plus clean up their rooms before bedtime. Why are these ridiculous promises needed? What do they prove?
They've vowed, and I'm not making this up, that "robust childbearing and reproduction is beneficial [ital theirs] to U.S. demographic, economic, strategic and actuarial health and security." Furthermore, they pledged that "married people enjoy better health, better sex, longer lives, greater financial stability, and that children raised by a mother and a father together experience better learning, less addiction, less legal trouble, and less extramarital pregnancy," although according to what scientific studies is not altogether clear.
Not to put too moral a spin on the matter, though that never stopped the far right, but Bachmann and Santorum have been positively slutty in pledging their troth to whatever conservative group will have them. The Family Leader's original pledge document positively reeked of racism, claiming that the African American family was better off during slavery than under Barack Obama. Any sentient politician should have refused to sign anything espoused by this specious organization.
Someone throw ranting tommy in an ice bath before his head explodes! Lol.
But yeah, these pledges are the equivalent of the banal BS you see on facebook asking you to repost this message as your status or you are a horrible horrible person. What the person is really saying is "I am too intelectually lazy to form my own opinion on this topic but this sounds as good as any". They are also saying that it is pointless to discuss it with them because they let someone else make thier mind up for them.
Perfectly summarized, highandmighty.
Pledges are pom-poms.
Only I, Churchilldowns, have promised to never eat turnips again. Only I have the leadership and dedication to say I will refrain from turnips. There will be no turnips in my administration!
Hah! That's nothing. I've pledged not to create a rip in the fabric of space time which will destroy the universe AND to not eat turnips! I am unafraid to boldly make that promise to the American people.
I don't know what a Santorum pledge would entail, but I know I don't like it. I don't like it at all.
Here's the pledge:
"I pledge that I will never use an enema, they are the devil's work, and work against the preservation of our holy Santorum."
Santorum Pledge? No thanks, I'll stick with the lemony fresh kind.
Ewww, look at the frothy residue left by Santorum Pledge.
Sorry to be so late to the party, doc. I was busy signing pledges.
If you intend to not create a rip in the fabric of spacetime without eating turnips, adlib, I'd sure like to see how.
Fucking hollow campaign pledges.
I have a secret plan which I will release after I win the election.
Bachmann and Santorum: Two boobs in desperate need of a bra.
"Only I, Churchilldowns, have promised to never eat turnips again. Only I have the leadership and dedication to say I will refrain from turnips. There will be no turnips in my administration!"
Now that's a turnip I can get behind.
Oh, shit, 200th comment... sorry guys :(
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