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WELCOME TO DR. B.'S WORLD
This new white format allows me to post complete pics (the other Blogger formats cut them off, practically in half). Pretend you're reading your newspaper or something.
Dates separate each post, barely, so look for the dates on the left. Print is large & readable. Comment section is unchanged. My Profile info was at the bottom, but I moved it back to the top. Deal with it.
[Disclaimer: Pursuant to the UCC (Uniform Comedy Code), all depictions of events and persons on this site are more real than reality itself, and therefore any resemblance to reality is not really real.]
Unbalanced. Unfair. I report. I decide.
Dates separate each post, barely, so look for the dates on the left. Print is large & readable. Comment section is unchanged. My Profile info was at the bottom, but I moved it back to the top. Deal with it.
[Disclaimer: Pursuant to the UCC (Uniform Comedy Code), all depictions of events and persons on this site are more real than reality itself, and therefore any resemblance to reality is not really real.]
Unbalanced. Unfair. I report. I decide.
ABANDON HOPE ALL YE WHO ENTER HERE. If you have already abandoned hope, please disregard this notice. In this blog, you'll be exposed to the way I see things. Lots of things. Stuff I think of. Things that happen. Random weirdness. Occasional seriousness. My life. My world. My universe. My reality. By reading this, you have given me brief control of your mind....
Dr. B.
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2009
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August
(20)
- HEALTH PLAN TO TREAT BLUE DOG SYNDROME
- CAPTION THE HISTORIC BEER SUMMIT FOR POSTERITY
- BILL MAHER ISSUES WARNING ON 'BIRTHERS': THEY CAN ...
- ORLY TAITZ MELTS DOWN ON MSNBC, BLAMES MSM 'BROWNS...
- WILL FUNDING DRY UP IN 'CASH FOR INCUMBENTS' PROGRAM?
- BILL CLINTON HEADS TO MAYBERRY TO SEEK RELEASE OF ...
- STEWART SLAMS CNN AND FOX FOR COVERAGE OF CLINTON'...
- CAPTION THIS PHOTO OF PRESIDENT OBAMA AND FERGIE
- SMART PRESIDENT DOES NOT EQUAL SMART COUNTRY
- SARAH PALIN CUTS DEMO FOR RADIO SHOW
- TIME HONORED AGGRESSIVE SCARE TACTICS BEING USED T...
- SORRY, EVERYBODY
- RESEARCHERS DISCOVER NEUROLOGICAL CAUSE OF REPUBLI...
- COLBERT TAKES ON GLENN BECK'S ADVERTISER EXODUS
- BARNEY FRANK IS 'FRANK' - JON STEWART AND I APPLAU...
- TED KENNEDY DIES OF BRAIN CANCER AT AGE 77
- LIMBAUGH CONGRATULATES HIMSELF ON KENNEDY DEATH PR...
- REPUBLICANS ANNOUNCE PLANS TO HONOR SENATOR KENNEDY
- AS SPONSORS FLEE, THE 'GLENN BECK SHOW' GETS MORE ...
- AMERICA LESS SAFE WITH PALIN NO LONGER KEEPING EYE...
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August
(20)
111 comments:
I could get behind an active move to try and solve the rest of our problems around a table while drinking beer.
Pull out the scotch if you needed to talk about war stuff.
Maybe brandy or just do shots of vodka when talking about the economy.
So this guy walks into a bar...
So this cop walks into a man's house...
"So, if the ping pong ball goes into the glass, How many do I have to drink?"
"So we agree then? Everyone hates the Jews?"
"Hey, you guys...what's black and white and attention-whoring all over?
THIS TABLE! HAR HAR HAR HAR!!!!"
"Hey guys, [something 'edgy' and racist]! HAW HAW !!"
VP Joe Biden is invited to attend the summit in order to balance out the white guy/black guy ratio.
So a Jewish guy, a black guy and a Hispanic guy walk into the bar. The bartender says "Get the fuck out of here!"
So the father turned to the agent and yelled "The Aristocrats!!!"
"It's Like This and Like That and Like This and uh..."
"Does Biden really have to be here?"
So then I said, "Hold up, man! This is my hou...damn it brother, don't you be going for no left cheek sneak!"
"...And then Dumbledore goes flying back off of the tower..."
"No, seriously, it turned out to be my sister. Man, was my face red."
"That's not beer."
Gates: "Beergarble?"
Obama: "Beergarble."
Crowley: "Beergarblegarble!"
Biden: "You look like James Earl Jones"
Gates, Obama, Crowley: "Shut up Joe"
"So, white people play rock, paper, scissors, like THIS, and black people play rock, paper, scissors, like THIS!"
(sound in bushes)
Gates: WTF?
Crowley: I'll grab my gun
Obama: DAMN IT HILLARY! stop worrying! I'm not going to replace you with either of these guys
Hillary: I am a shrub - you cannot see me.
"Yo, dawg! I just incorporated myself as a chartered bank, How about letting me get a few billion from that TARP thing?"
You know sometimes I sit at home, you know, and I watch T.V. and I wonder what it would be like to live someplace like, you know, the Cosby show, Ozzie and Harriet, you know, where cops come and got your cat outta the tree all your friends died of old age, But you see, I live in Cambridge, Massachusetts and unfortunately...shit AIN'T LIKE THAT! IT'S REAL farkED UP!
Goddamn what a brotha gotta do to get a message through to the red, white and blue?
And it was noticed by all after the beer was brought out, that none of these assholes were the most interesting man in the world.
Who invited AZ to the captioning?
Let's caption a pretend pic of AZ and call it world's worst troll
I've seen people like AZ, but I had to pay admission!
Hey AZ. Any friend of yours ... is a friend of yours.
I think AZ ate too many paint chips when he was a kid.
aaaaannnnnnddd.....
back to captioning doc's pic:
"OK, I got an idea! We have a few more brewskis and then we go over and TP Pelosi's house.......She'll NEVER guess who did it!!!"
♫ Don't call me whitey.... ♫
"So this guy walks into his own house...."
lol, good one
Crowley: All right. Where is the poison? The battle of wits has begun. It ends when you decide and we both drink, and find out who is right... and who is dead.
Gates: But it's so simple. All I have to do is divine from what I know of you; are you the sort of man who would put the poison into his own mug or his enemy's? Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own mug, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the beer in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool, you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the beer in front of you.
Crowley: You've made your decision then?
Gates: Not remotely! Because iocane comes from Cambridge, as everyone knows, and Cambridge is entirely peopled with criminals, and criminals are used to having people not trust them, as I am not trusted by you, so I can clearly not choose the beer in front of me.
Crowley: Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.
Gates: Wait til I get going! Now, where was I?
Crowley: Cambridge.
Gates: Yes, Cambridge. And you must have suspected I would have known the powder's origin, so I can clearly not choose the beer in front of me.
Crowley: You're just stalling now.
Gates: You'd like to think that, wouldn't you? You've already arrested me, which means you're exceptionally strong, so you could've put the poison in your own mug, trusting on your strength to save you, so I can clearly not choose the beer in front of you. But, you've also bested my friend Barack by calling his bluff and accepting his invitation here today, which means you must have studied, and in studying you must have learned that man is mortal, so you would have put the poison as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the beer in front of me.
Crowley: You're trying to trick me into giving away something. It won't work.
Gates: IT HAS WORKED! YOU'VE GIVEN EVERYTHING AWAY! I KNOW WHERE THE POISON IS!
Crowley: Then make your choice.
Gates: I will, and I choose - What in the world can that be?
Gates: [Gates gestures up and away from the table. Crowley looks. Gates swaps the mugs]
Crowley: [Looks back] What? Where? I don't see anything.
Gates: Well, I- I could have sworn I saw something. No matter. First, let's drink. Me from my glass, and you from yours.
Crowley, Gates: [they drink ]
Crowley: You guessed wrong.
Gates: You only think I guessed wrong! That's what's so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned! Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Cambridge, but only slightly less well-known is this; never go in against an African-American when death is on the line! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha...
Gates: [Gates stops suddenly, and falls dead to the right]
Biden: And to think, all that time it was your mug that was poisoned.
Crowley: They were both poisoned. I spent the last few years building up an immunity to Cambridge iocane powder.
Obama: Awww... man! You are one sharp white boy Crowley!
LOL "The Princess Bride" Classic!
Joe Biden thinking: These people are dumbasses. Why am I here, I don't even drink beer.
Biden: And then, and then the Skipper whipped off his hat and smacked Gilligan right in the head!
Gates: Who put this pubic hair on my Red Stripe?
Biden: You know, Henry Louis, I've been wondering; other than teaching Afro-American studies, what are your graduates qualified to do for a living? I mean, who's willing to pay for those skills?
Obama: That's it Joe, you're getting a ball-gag
"Why are we sitting at the children's table?"
...
"Biden"
Crowley thinking: Man, why didn't I arrest Willie Nelson... we could be sharing doobies
"Hey Crowley- gimme a sip of your Blue Moon. This Bud Light tastes like shit. I was gonna get a Samuel Smith, but I didn't want to look like an elitist".
Biden; inside a thought bubble: "Boy, this Gates guy is clean, articulate..."
Gates: "I think it is important that we can discuss how black people in America have been oppressed for so many years"
Crowley: "But you have to understand the pressure that police officers are under every time they respond to a potentially life threatening call"
Biden: "LOOK, a squirrel"
So... how long should we sit here for the photo op before we can actually drink these beers?
Biden: "BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRAAAPPPPPPPPPP"
Obama: "Joe, I notice you haven't touched your beer?"
Biden: "Uh, well, I'm really more of a whiskey guy, ask Kennedy. Boy, the things we used to do when we got drunk. I remember this time we were drinking in Chappaquiddick..."
Obama: "You're just here for the photo op, aren't you?"
Biden: "I gotta get in on something! Anything! Lemme do healthcare! I swear I'll get them to meet the August deadline!"
Obama: "Get out Joe."
snuffaluffagus said: VP Joe Biden is invited to attend the summit in order to balance out the white guy/black guy ratio.
If they did that, then they fail at math. 2 white guys + 0.50 black guy(Prez) + 0.43 black guy(Skippy) = 3.07 white guys and 0.93 black guys. Why are they ganging up on the less than 1 black guy?
Hey! I was told there wouldn't be any math!
"I yelled to the cabbie, 'Yo homes smell ya' later!' I looked at my kingdom, I was finally there, to sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel Air."
Will Smith, 'Fresh Prince'
Obama: "Let me be clear, I called both of you here so we can have an informative discussion on racial issues in the 21st century."
Gates: "Thank you so much, Mr. President. I hope Mr. Crowley and I can meet somewhere in the middle of all of this."
Crowley: "Same here, Mr. President."
Biden: "Have you boyz been to Wilmington? Lotsa brothas being arrested up in there!"
Obama thinking: So I'm going to pretend to lean over and listen to you guys but really I'm just lettin' one out quietly
Ha! that cop put a lemon wedge in his Blue Moon, the biggest faux pas possible with (wheat) beer! Douchebag.
Gates: "Actually, gentlemen, I believe the proper wording is: Wu-Tang Clan ain't nothin' ta fuck wit, And if you want beef then bring the ruckus. Trust me, I got that shit in my iPod."
Crowley: "Booya!"
Biden: (looks down at cue card, notes scribbled with crayon) "Uh, ribs give me mud-butt."
Obama: "Shut the fuck up, Joe, you're out of your element."
Gates : Perhaps to place our situation into a more clear context I might tell you all about how my life got flipped upside down...
♫ 99 bottles of beer on the wall.. ♫
Crowley: Look at it this way: you're a black guy in Boston. You don't need any help from me to be completely fucked.
(Probably not obscure.)
Scorsese used it in 'The Departed'
"You know, I think I may have left my front door unlocked when I left for Washington. Could you send a squad car by to check it out?"
Obama: OK, guys, I'll start...
♫ Ebony and Ivory, live together in perfect harmony...♫
Crowley: ♫ Side by side on my piano keyboard...♫
Gates: ♫ oh Lord, why don't we? ♫
Biden: Did you guys hear Michael Jackson died?
Obama, Crowley, Gates: ........
'Hey, where the white women at?'
Biden: Last call, guys. I've got a train to catch.
Crowley: "Can I see some I.D. please. Biden you're OK."
Obama: The thing about eating the black and white cookie is you want to get some black and some white in each bite. Nothing mixes better than vanilla and chocolate. And yet somehow racial harmony eludes us. If people would only look to the cookie all our problems would be solved.
"OK, so next time you guys want to party, here's the scenario: Joe - you attempt to break into your own office, I'll attempt to break into the Cambridge Police Headquarters, Our esteemed colleague can try to impersonate me, and then our law enforcement friend can magically bust us all!"
"Mr. President, there's only one problem with that."
"What's the problem, Joe?"
"I still haven't found my office yet!"
"It's OK - you don't do anything anyway."
Gates: "No, it is there you are mistaken, as a professor of Afro-American studies, this is in fact the proper way to, ahem, smack dat ass."
TASTES GREAT!
LESS FILLING!
TASTES GREAT!
** then it gets weird **
Doc posted that cartoon a few days back :)
Gates to Obama: "That OJ is one mother-fucking crazy nubian."
Gates to Biden and Crowley: "OJ Simpson is just another example of white society's discontent with successful people of color."
If yo mamma was outside, this is how I'd tap it.
Why DID they invite Biden?
Scapegoat
"I'm the damn president; THIS is the nicest patio set they could find?"
Hey guys, later we should go take a leak in the rose garden!
Gates: Dude puts FRUIT in his beer! How can I respect a guy that does that?!?!?
Biden: The only thing I like floating in beer is my liver.
joke doesn't work because Biden doesn't drink beer. Kudos for the attempt though
Gates: "So these people that call themselves "bloggers" sit at their computers all day and write to each other about crap like this"
Biden: "Get the fuck outta here"
Gates: "No lie brother"
Biden: "Pfff, tards"
wonder what they DID talk about...
Gates "And the baton was this long."
Obama "Damn Chicago cops."
Crowley "Hey, I heard they weren't just white cops at the 1968 Chicago convention."
Biden "Heh. You said baton."
Obama "Joe. Your beer is non-alcoholic. You can't be drunk yet."
No Bogartin'! Puff puff pass!
i had no idea Biden was so bald on the back of his head.
magnus_the_rhino said - 'Ha! that cop put a lemon wedge in his Blue Moon, the biggest faux pas possible with (wheat) beer! Douchebag.'
That's what you do with Blue Moon. Lemon or Orange or none. Drinkers choice.
Um, how about no. The citric acid in a lemon/orange kills head retention, which is otherwise a sign of good beer and shows good carbonation and protein levels. If you asked for that in Bavaria/Belgium, where the real wheatbeers are made, there's a good chance they'd ask you to fuck off.
Fruit in the beer glass = for women and/or people who don't know beer.
Nostro to Magnus - snap!
Obama: So, any of you guys ever met a wise Latina?
Gates: Why'd he come into my house?
Obama: I know, right! That's why we're here.
Gates: So, the biatch walks into my home like dis, aaight? And he like "I'm gonna arrest yo ass, negro", "An I'm all like 'on no you di'int'"
You think this beer is good, just wait until these cameras leave. I'll have Michelle roll some blunts that will knock your dicks in the dirt.
Little cartoon balloon thoughts "I really wanted Colt 45. In a forty"
"Here's the rules: we chug a beer every five minutes until someone passes out. Then, it's one every ten minutes. Last one awake wins. pssst (whispers) Joe doesn't know it, but he is drinking real beer"
Thank you for setting magnus_the_rhino straight. Blue Moon is actually brewed with coriander and orange zest I believe, and it's supposed to be an orange as it draws out the flavor in the beer, not a lemon.
Obama: Did my jeans really look that bad at the All Star Game?
gates to obama: bitch set me up.
"Isn't this blatantly scripted black-white-black-white seating arrangement great?"
what the fuck do you mean we only get 1 beer?
Ummm...I think the technically correct way is not to "fruit the beer" but rather to "fruit the glass". You're supposed to rim the glass with the orange slice, which in turn is supposed to enhance the fruity bits that are already in Blue Moon and several other wheat beers. Not all wheat beers have fruity bits, mind you, but for those that do, I believe that's the technical thing to do - should you opt for fruit.
Your a fruit so you should know
Whoa! Uncalled for.
AZ, did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?
AZ, this would be an excellent time to become a missing person.
Here's what you need to do AZ: grasp your ears firmly and remove your head from your ass.
Crowley: So, professor, what is it you teach anyway?
Obama: Isn't it some ethics course?
Gates: Yeah, it was "Ethical Quandries in modern Chicano society."
Biden: *scribbling* "Ethical candies in molten chocolate saucy" Sounds tasty.
Crowley: So he was your punishment for beating Hillary, wasn't he?
Okay, here's the plan AZ: Leave town for a week. When you come back, I'll be waiting in your neighborhood. I'll call the cops, and then we'll BOTH get to have a beer in the white house! Deal? Deal.
Biden's probably just like the roommate who overheard there was a party somewhere and invited himself.
"I just realized, we are totally a giant double stuff oreo right now!"
Brilliant, I thought this beer meeting was absolutely, positively brilliant.
Crowley to self: "The second that bastard Gates pulls onto Pennsylvania Avenue I am SO gonna bust his ass for DUI"
Everyone's a little bit racist
Sometimes.
Doesn't mean we go
Around committing hate crimes.
Look around and you will find
No one's really color blind.
Maybe it's a fact
We all should face
Everyone makes judgments
Based on race.
Everyone's a little bit racist
Today.
So, everyone's a little bit racist
Okay!
Ethinic jokes might be uncouth,
But you laugh because
They're based on truth.
Don't take them as
Personal attacks.
Everyone enjoys them -
So relax!
If we all could just admit
That we are racist a little bit,
Even though we all know
That it's wrong,
Maybe it would help us
Get along.
from cnn.com:
The president was drinking Bud Light, Biden was drinking Buckler (a nonalcoholic beer), Gates was drinking Samuel Adams Light and Crowley was drinking Blue Moon.
how 'bout everyone just drink whatever beer they want however they want, huh?
I'll take a Guinness with a slice of raw potato, thanks...
I had a bartender at a bar in my town convinced that was how the "real Irish" drink their Guinness... she wasn't too smart, and didn't know how to pour a proper pint anyway... I wonder if she ever actually tried it...
Oddly enough, I used to see drinkers in Dublin ask for Guinness with a splash of Black Currant syrup all the time back in the 90s, which strikes me as more disgusting than a slice of spud.
I've seen that... the daytime bartender at my local is off the boat and got me to try it. Your impression is correct. It's pretty disgusting... well, the first sip or 2 is interesting but once you're 1/4 way in it really starts to get to be too much.
Yeah, I tried it once... ruined the whole pint, in my opinion.
Black Currant is so sickly sweet... Gave me bad memories of sneaking shots of blackberry brandy at my friend's house when I was a kid.
At that point it ceases to be a beer and starts to become a cocktail if not a salad. If you need to add something to your beer it wasn't made right in the first place. Want it to have more of an orange taste? BREW IT THAT WAY! It just goes to show that this MillerCoors product is not tended by a skilled brewmaster.
and...... we're done here. Thanks for playing.
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