This new white format allows me to post complete pics (the other Blogger formats cut them off, practically in half). Pretend you're reading your newspaper or something.
Dates separate each post, barely, so look for the dates on the left. Print is large & readable. Comment section is unchanged. My Profile info was at the bottom, but I moved it back to the top. Deal with it.
ABANDON HOPE ALL YE WHO ENTER HERE.
If you have already abandoned hope,
please disregard this notice.
In this blog, you'll be exposed to the way I see things. Lots of things. Stuff I think of. Things that happen. Random weirdness. Occasional seriousness. My life. My world. My universe. My reality. By reading this, you have given me brief control of your mind....
Northwest Airlines apparently has a new tactic to attract customers: Bag the nuts and push penises ..es. That's what CNN is saying, so it has to be true.
In an honest but funny (and by funny I mean hilarious to my 12-year-old self) mistake, CNN's Zain Verjee got tongue tied when talking about airline peanuts and used the term "airline penis" instead.
Investors and ordinary broke people alike were surprised to hear a loud, flatulence-like noise emanate from Wall Street, where the United States economy resides, early this morning.
The sound, which eventually echoed throughout the entire nation, was accompanied by a noxious odor that one witness compared to "rotting documents soaked in gasoline, with some totally nasty rotten eggs in there too."
"A few coworkers and I were eating at a cafe close to Wall Street when the sound and stench hit us, and I was like, 'Oh, sick!'" said Marty Stalworth, who was initially taken into custody by the NYPD under the city's "he who smelt it dealt it" law. He was later released when a friend verified to police that Stalworth generally always owns up to his own farting.
The effects of the loud "brrrraraaaaappp" rapidly radiated outward, with residents in Michigan reporting hearing the sound just minutes after New York. Authorities report that several factories have emptied out as a result, and will remain closed indefinitely in case of future pseudo-gas-passage.
Scientists believe that the environment will suffer no long-term damage from the mysterious blast, although some politicians and members of the American public claim that the nation should now drill for more oil, "just in case".
"It's possible that the United States literally has too much oil underneath it, causing our economy to have gassy discomfort until we drill down there and get it out," explained Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin. "I believe the scientific term is 'DRILL BABY DRILL.'"
Others claim the sound is natural, and that if nothing is done, everything will eventually work itself out.
"I think I speak for all of us when I say that I would never go to the doctor's just because I blew my ass trombone a few times," said Senator Mitch McConnell. "Farting never hurt anybody, except when it was a sign of cancer or something, I guess. But those people probably deserved it."
"In the end," Senator McConnell concluded, "we can all live with this happening every now and then. Perhaps some people who don't have the luxury of air filtration in their homes will even grow to enjoy the smell."
Not good enough, say many of McConnell's colleagues in Congress -- they want action taken to minimize the auditory and olfactory damage done by deadly, but most definitely not silent event.
"My state is now horrifically in debt, even though yesterday, we were practically totally fine!" exclaimed California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger. "All we need is a little money to help us all forget about this terrible experience, and maybe a little extra to buy ourselves a treat."
Other options being discussed include the building of a giant hand to waft the smell away from the nation's collective nose, as well as the advent of a new federal holiday, Simultaneous Air Freshener Spray Day. In the meantime, President Obama is encouraging citizens to light scented candles and remain polite.
I don't know about you but I'm sick and tired of the media dishing out negative energy. I decided to post this video to hopefully put some positive energy back into our world. THE ECONOMY AND CHICKEN LITTLE - WHAT THEY HAVE IN COMMON
I listened to Bobby Jindal - Governor of Louisiana - give the Republican response to Barack Obama's superb address to Congress and the American people tonight.
I've got to say that Jindal's speech - in delivery as well as content - is one the lamest "opposition" speeches I've ever heard any Republican or Democrat give.
Jindal said Republicans don't want to raise any working person's taxes - seems he must have missed when Obama just said that no one earning under $250,000 a year would pay a cent more in taxes.
Jindal said don't let anyone tell you our best days are behind us - I just heard Obama talk about America resurging to its greatest heights in the future.
One point that Jindal did get right is that the President and the Democrats think the government can help in this crisis. Jindal and the Republicans want, what ? - the government to do nothing to help? Apparently nothing to help with high-speed rail lines...
Back to Jindal's outrightly inane points - he cited Katrina as an example of the "bureaucrats" being bravely overruled. And those government officials would be .... you got it - Republicans.
If Jindal has any chance of getting the Republican nomination for President for 2012, it would reside in a majority of Republicans sleeping during his speech tonight.
Chris Matthews says, "Oh God," before Jindal response
Even Fox News Pro-Republican Commenters agree Jindal speech, well, bombed:
What is CBS thinking? This guy is very far out there with his partisan rhetoric.
During a debate a decade ago, Ballabon claimed that, after his most recent job in Washington, he became convinced that Democrats are inherently bad people and Republicans are fundamentally good people.
What planet does this guy come from? It's astonishing that CBS News would name Ballabon to its senior management.
Maybe Ballabon can get "it done," but perhaps CBS News can get "it done" more effectively by paying more attention when vetting its senior executives.
Another whole MainStreamMedia network being led by a wealthy ultra-rightwing neocon republican. Just what American needs. Another 'fair and balanced' network.
He wasn't really robbed. I just thought that would make a good headline. I did see 'The Wrestler', so I was rooting for Mickey Rourke to win the Academy Award for Best Actor. It went to Sean Penn for 'Milk', which I haven't seen. I expected Sean Penn to win, just as I expected 'Brokeback Mountain' to win in 2005 (it did), because Hollywood loves it when straight actors play gay.
On the other hand, Mickey Rourke did win a Golden Globe, as well as the Independent Spirit Award for Best Male Actor on Saturday, and gave a long, ranging acceptance speech thanking everything from his dead dog to "Melissa Marissa Tomei" who "can really climb that pole." That came after he asked someone to give his friend Eric Roberts a job. While many in Hollywood no doubt felt Mickey deserved an Oscar, they may have worried that in voting for him, if he actually won, his acceptance speech might have gone something like this (He dropped a lot of expletives, so be warned):
After all day celebrating Buffy's birthday, I haven't really had time to think about composing a snarky satirical blog, so I'll leave the creativity up to all of you in the comments section.
The Saying a picture is worth a thousand words is an oft-used cliche, but it seems to apply to this photo of disgraced Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich:
The shot, taken by Brian Kersey for Getty Images, caught Blagojevich as he was leaving his home Thursday morning through a back alley-- and passing by a city rat control sign.
Disgraced financier Bernie Madoff offered a partial mea culpa for his massive Ponzi scheme today, telling reporters that he blamed his "youth and immaturity" for his poor judgment in the matter.
"You have to understand, when this scheme really got out of hand I was only a lad in my sixties," Mr. Madoff said.
Reflecting on his role in the fraud, which wound up bilking $50 billion from unwitting investors, Mr. Madoff said, "I think I felt under pressure to become the biggest scumbag of all time."
But Mr. Madoff pleaded for understanding, explaining, "You do all kinds of crazy things when you're at an impressionable age like 60 or 61."
In the interest of "giving something back," Mr. Madoff said he hoped to make a tour of investment houses and warn brokers in their forties and fifties against starting Ponzi schemes of their own: "I want to get to them while they're still kids."
In other business news, GM and Chrysler revealed their rescue plans, which call for the two auto giants to stop making cars and become banks instead.
After reviewing the size of the bailouts that the government has offered to the nation's banks, GM chairman Rick Wagoner said, "Only a total loser would keep making cars."
The CEOs of GM and Chrysler said that in their first official act as banks they would award themselves $10 million bonuses and fly to the Cayman Islands.
auto giants to stop making cars and become banks instead.
